


The Soul Unto Itself

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Canon Universe, Dark Fuck Prince, Darkfic, Dom/sub, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dry Humping, F/M, Flashbacks, Forced Marriage, Forced Orgasm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Irredeemable Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren is A Straight Up Dick, Kylo is Very Pleased, Manipulative Relationship, Naked Female Clothed Male, Older Man/Younger Woman, Possessive Behavior, Power Imbalance, Psychological Trauma, Renperor, Repressed Memories, Rey is Not Pleased, Sadism, Self-Denial, Size Kink, Snoke is dead, Vaginal Fingering, Violence, Why is this such a slow burn, breaking bones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2020-01-15 21:54:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18507829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Rey is snatched from Jakku to fulfill an arranged marriage contract. She's dragged to the feet of the Emperor Kylo Ren, and he has no qualms about taking what he wants.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Душа, что сама по себе](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18533227) by [Tersie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tersie/pseuds/Tersie)



> i tried to mash arranged marriage/mail order bride/jakku rey/poor family rey into one weird ass story
> 
> lots of these arranged marriage stories don't have rape and i kind of roll my eyes so here i am

One afternoon, an ominous wind blows across the dunes of Jakku while Rey is busy picking apart an Imperial freighter.

She turns, suspended on a rope with a small lamp to guide her work, and frowns through her goggles. Something isn’t right, but she hasn’t finished dissecting the piece she needs for trading. Rey hesitates before turning back to the stubborn bit of machinery when she hears the wind howl again.

Hm. Curious as she is dogged, she quickly pries the piece free and tucks it away before rappelling down the ship to the ground. She hurries to her landspeeder and takes off towards the new presence, one she’s never sensed before.

A bit of a crowd has gathered in Niima Outpost. Rey uncovers her mouth and slides her goggles over her head as she picks through the group of aliens and humans alike, heading toward a strange voice. Maybe someone from a neighboring planet offering work on a ship? Those are popular positions.

It’s a tough fit through the throng. Rey excuses herself a couple times before she pops out to the front.

Unkar Plutt, the miserable beast, stands between two Stormtroopers and a man dressed in black. He has a strange sword slung over his back and a mask that conceals his face entirely. Rey hardly catches a glimpse before his silver-black helmet snaps in her direction.

He points with a gloved hand. “That one.”

She stiffens, eyes widening, and turns tail to run—but multiple pairs of arms and tentacles grab her. Rey shrieks and lashes out but it’s useless without her staff and useless against a group of a dozen aliens. They shove her to the feet of the man in black and crowd around in case she tries to flee.

Plutt chortles and rubs his hands together. “Who would’ve thought Rey held some importance? Will I be collecting a reward?”

 “No,” the man in black replies coldly. He motions to Rey and the Stormtroopers drag her off the ground, clapping cuffs around her wrists. “Your reward is continuing to inhabit this miserable planet in one piece. The Emperor would be happy to obliterate it if you have issues with his terms.”

There are no friends to be found on Jakku. They’re all caging her in, sacrificing her to protect the planet, because she’s only one little scavenger—but she doesn’t want Jakku destroyed, either.

Rey jerks free of the Stormtrooper’s hold.

 “You’re—you’re going to blow up Jakku?!” she cries. “But my parents—they’re going to come back for me any day now!” She shoves the other Trooper away and bites back tears. “Please, I can’t leave! If I’m not here they won’t be able to find me!”

 “They won’t be able to find your corpse floating in space, either,” the man says. “If you’d like to preserve this… _heap_ , comply and come with me. Perhaps the Emperor will allow you to return.”

Someone growls behind her. “Yeah, so shut up!”

The man in black sighs into his vocoder. He swings his sword from his back and runs it through the offending alien, spraying blood on the dusty sand. The others back away as he steps on the corpse, green and gurgling blood, and wipes off his blade.

 “ _Don’t_ disrespect your Empress,” he chastises gently to the dying Twi’lek. “The Emperor won’t tolerate it.”

Rey struggles as they drag her through the marketplace toward an enormous black ship protected by more Stormtroopers. This is the First Order and the stranger must be talking about Kylo Ren. What could he possibly want with her? ‘Empress’ must be a translation error. He must not speak Basic very well.

Her head spins; she can’t begin to make sense of what’s happening. Everyone summoned by the Emperor disappears for good, and Rey has never done a bad thing in her entire life. She’s never stolen, never let another scavenger go hungry. She waits patiently for her family because she _knows_ they’ll come back for her someday.

The Stormtroopers drag her down black durasteel hallways to a cell outfitted with basic comforts. She’s freed from her cuffs and pushed inside with not a word spoken, then they disappear down the hall. Rey grabs the thick steel bars and rattles them and screams, hoping someone will save her.

But no one _ever_ comes. She should know that by now.

She wanders to the back of her cell, desperate to find an implement to tear the bars apart. There has to be a way out. There’s always a way out.

Rey opens a small closet and pilfers through the clothing until she finds a hanger and an undershirt. Maybe she can wet the shirt and twist the hanger to let the bars loose? She has her own bathroom from what she can tell, the first one she’s seen in years, and if the Stormtroopers stay away—

 “You ought to comply.”

The man in black stands at the cell door, hands behind his back. He cocks his head when Rey scowls.

 “I’m not used to complying,” she retorts.

 “You’ll learn how to do that _very_ soon.” He raps on the bars, rhythmic. “The Emperor expects you to fulfill the promise your parents made… And you will, regardless of how you feel about it. He’s spent the past year scouring the galaxy for you.”

Rey swallows, shaking her head. “I don’t understand why. I’m an orphan—what does he want from me?”

 “We’ll see, I suppose.” The man shrugs, drawing away from the cell. “But it’s typically nothing good.”

He leaves her with that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> made major revisions and i much prefer this version

Hours pass without a word from Jer’Jo or anyone else. It’s not like Rey isn’t used to the solitude, but something ominous hangs in the silence, the same thing blowing in the foul wind across Jakku. She shivers and closes her eyes, wedged into a corner while she awaits her captor’s return.

Jer’Jo comes back with two Stormtroopers flanking him. He opens the cell and motions for Rey to approach, which she does hesitantly. The Stormtroopers bind her wrists again and guide her from the cell and down the hallway.

 “Where are we going?” Rey asks, trying to bite back her fear.

 “To meet the Emperor, of course.” Jer’Jo peers over his shoulder at her but Rey can’t see a thing through his mask. “I let him know I’d found you and we were en route. We’re about to board the _Supremacy._ ”

 “Is that… is that where he lives?”

A Stormtrooper snickers behind her. She turns and frowns, because they’re not supposed to have senses of humor, but Jer’Jo doesn’t seem to notice.

 “It is,” he replies. “Much safer than setting up base on some planet that can be invaded. The Emperor can be wherever he pleases whenever he pleases, for the good of the Empire.”

Rey snorts. “Some good it’s been for Jakku.”

 “Jakku will continue to be a hubbub of illicit activity and weapons trading as long as _you_ do as you’re told.” Jer’Jo nods to several officers in black, who pause to give Rey a long look. “And I suggest you begin your work in that area before meeting the Emperor and pissing him off.”

 “We’ll see,” Rey snips.

She may be hotheaded and impulsive, but she knows better than to pick a fight she can’t win. She’ll assess the Emperor and what he wants. Until then, she makes no promises about being polite.

They walk down matching black hallways, which Rey finds to be an utterly ridiculous color, and past bay windows that reveal the vast expanse of space. She’s never been out of Jakku’s airspace and hesitates a bit while she gazes upon the inky darkness littered with stars and planets. Her parents are out there somewhere. She needs to wrap up this issue and hurry back to make sure she doesn’t miss them.

Jer’Jo leads them into an elevator and presses a button hidden under a lever. It hisses upward, startling Rey and drawing another laugh from the Stormtrooper. She glares at him over her shoulder and he clears his throat, looking in the other direction. What’s wrong with him?

 “Don’t speak unless spoken to,” Jer’Jo says, “and don’t bother trying to attack him. He can use the Force.”

 “That’s not real. Only Luke Skywalker could do that, and he’s just a legend. I’m not _stupid_ , Jer’Jo.”

The elevator comes to a stop, doors hissing open.

 “You may reconsider that notion soon enough, Rey.”

An enormous red room opens up around them, fed into by another black floor that reflects very little light. It’s empty, save for the massive throne in the center of the room up several steps where a man sits alone.

Rey stops dead maybe twenty feet from the stranger. Something besides the obvious danger tells her she needs to leave—now. It settles in her bones like a painful itch and she tries backpedaling, terrified of what might happen. She has to get out of here.

A hard, unseen thing snatches her by the ankles and wrists and drags her down to her knees. Rey yelps in shock and notices the man has a gloved hand outstretched, fingers gracefully turning clockwise as she’s locked to the cold shiny floor. She can’t see his face. The throne is shrouded in shadow, and only his extended arm, covered in black armor, is visible.

Jer’Jo moves to the side with his hands behind his back. The Stormtroopers retreat to guard the door and leave Rey alone in the center of the blood red room, plunged into silence. Her pulse pounds in her ears and she pants desperately, eyes wide and searching. She needs to escape.

Unsettling quiet ensues. There is no escape.

The arm withdraws back into the shadows and Rey hears a long, low sigh, deep and melancholy. The man shifts in his throne.

 “Well done, Jer’Jo.” His voice sounds anything but pleased. It penetrates Rey down to her tingling bones. “My gift from the people of Spintir has been collected. You’ve done well in finding her—what can I give you in return?”

 “Nothing, sir. I am happy to serve the Emperor.”

Emperor—obviously. Kylo Ren.

He laughs brusquely and the shadow of his body moves. “We’ve known each other for quite a while. Tell me what you’d like.”

Jer’Jo’s face is hidden but Rey can sense anxiety coming from him. Why is he afraid to make a request? She frowns and glances toward the throne again to find the Emperor descending the steps, one black boot emerging from the dark recesses.

 “It’s my duty to serve the Empire,” Jer’Jo hedges, “and that includes procuring what was stolen from you. I simply did what should have been done by any of the Knights.”

 “Well, she isn’t a part of the Empire quite yet.” Kylo takes another heavy step down, armor jangling, and Rey hears the rustle of his cape. “I’ll reward you in credits, Jer’Jo. Your wife can always use them for the new little one, correct?”

 “That would be amenable, sir.”

Rey tries to call out but can’t move her throat. She remains frozen to the floor as the Emperor descends two more steps and finally emerges into the light.

Kylo Ren is _enormous_. Rey has never seen such a man before and it stuns her to silence as he pauses at the bottom step. He’s well over six feet tall, broad in the shoulders and shrouded in a thick black cape, invisible underneath it, save for silver chains hanging around the front of said cape. He wears a woven silver crown of thorns on top of a mane of black hair that rests around his shoulders.

His face is long and pale, jaw sloped and angled by a black undershirt. He has a distinct appearance to be sure: beauty marks like constellations across his skin and a protruding nose, like he was haphazardly put together.

Kylo doesn’t approach but Rey feels her body set free. She collapses forward on her palms before scrambling to her feet, just in time to see the Emperor walking forward. His footfalls echo in the empty chamber and the sound mingles with his clinking armor. It’s intimidating, especially when he’s finally towering over her, expression blank and eyes unreadable.

Rey digs her nails into her palms. “I think you’ve made a mistake… sir.”

Silence falls again. Kylo studies her, scanning her face like a droid learning an algorithm, and Rey digs her nails in deeper. He doesn’t blink, doesn’t move. He stands there and examines from her head down to her toes without lingering in an inappropriate way.

His eyebrows raise after another long moment. “I’m not in the habit of making mistakes… though I suppose trusting your parents to fulfill their end of the arrangement was a mistake—one I will rectify soon.” Kylo’s gaze drifts back to Rey’s lips. “How far are we from Spintir, Jer’Jo?”

 “Less than twelve hours, sir.”

 “I’m from Jakku,” Rey interjects, pulse leaping. “I’ve never met someone from Spintir. You’ve made a _mistake,_ sir.”

More uncomfortable silence follows. Rey wilts under Kylo’s frigid stare, much colder than any night she’s spent alone in her hollowed-out desert home. _He can use the Force_. She shouldn’t talk out of turn, but this is just a misunderstanding, and if he’ll just listen…

Kylo clicks his tongue. It echoes in the quiet chamber as he brushes his cold fingertips across Rey’s cheek—which she immediately tries to bite. It’s instinct, like blinking and breathing, to protect herself.

He seizes her jaw in one big gloved hand and clenches his jaw, squeezing until she winces. Her knees buckle but she stays upright, scratching at his armored wrist, and a slow smile spreads across his lips. Jer’Jo remains silent and still near the wall.

 “You’ve become a wild little thing on Jakku, haven’t you?” Kylo steps closer and draws Rey’s face within an inch of his own. Her hands pause on his wrist. “I’ll make sure to break you of that.”

 “Don’t _touch me_ ,” she hisses. Tears gather in her eyes and she grits her teeth. “Don’t touch me!”

The awful feeling of pins and needles slithers through her arms and legs, freezing Rey where she is. She pants in fear as Kylo nuzzles his nose along her cheek and his breath glides down her throat. He holds her jaw firmly out of his way and for a moment she worries he might rip her windpipe out.

Warmth tickles her earlobe. Rey squeezes her eyes shut at the wet sound of him licking his lips.

 “You’ll be used to touch again soon,” Kylo whispers. He slowly trails his fingers along the ridge of her hair buns, breathing evenly while she struggles against the Force. “And you’ll become my wife, and behave like a civilized woman—because I’ll be here to guide you.”

Rey’s eyes bug. _Wife_?!

She shakes her head as much as she can, now terrified beyond reason. This isn’t possible. This is a nightmare—Unkar gave her a bad batch of portions.

 “No, no—no!” Rey resists Kylo’s grip on her jaw, twisting her neck back and forth. “You’re wrong!”

The Force prickles up to her neck to stop her struggling. Kylo casually moves behind her, drawing his gloved fingers along her cheek, and rests both big hands on her shoulders. She still can’t move. She’s staring at the ominous throne in the darkness, and it feels like the throne is staring back.

Kylo slides his hands down to her upper arms. “But you’ll look so lovely up there, don’t you think? Dressed in something silky, draped in my lap… It’s a pretty picture to paint.”

 “S-Sir, you’ve made a mistake—let me _go_! I’m not supposed to marry anyone!”

 “Mm, that’s the bone I need to pick with your mommy and daddy.” He leans in to speak in her ear again. “I dislike being lied to, Rey, but I especially _dislike_ disobedience. Your parents did both when they hid you from me, and now they’ll be punished.”

 “Hid…?” She swallows, managing to shake her head a few inches. Her heart pounds so hard that she can hear it in her ears. “I have to get back to Jakku! I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Kylo sighs, deep and gentle, and his lips brush her temple. Angry tears trickle down Rey’s cheeks.

 “Shh… no need to panic. You’ll understand soon enough.” His breath drifts across her cheek to her exposed neck, still salty with sweat and sand. It doesn’t stop him. He kisses her once, light enough that Rey should hardly feel it, but her flesh scorches and crawls. “For now, you can rest in my chambers. I’ll be with you shortly.”

Something hot and angry claws up from Rey’s stomach and the bonds restraining her seem to melt away. Kylo stiffens moments before she whirls around to knee him hard in the gut, intending on twisting about his middle to climb on his back—

But he catches her knee and yanks forward. She staggers and hops and bares her teeth, opting for a punch where he’s left exposed, and Kylo catches her fist in his hand. He doesn’t look the least bit angry. He licks his lips and smiles as he twists her arm behind her back. Rey hisses and recoils.

 “That’s good,” he praises. He pushes her flush against him, pressing her restrained hand into her lower back. “That’s very good. But your impulsiveness has gotten you into a worse position than before.”

She growls and tries slapping him, and the hand is caught in midair before striking. Kylo closes his eyes as her palm is brought gently to his cheek. His skin is cool and rolled with scars and beauty marks, and he nuzzles into her palm.

 “That’s cheating!” Rey accuses. She fights for control of her hands but neither budges. “It’s not a fair fight!”

 “It will never be a fight you can win.” He opens his eyes lazily, raising his eyebrows. “But you’re more than welcome to try.”

He releases her hand but it doesn’t move from mid-punch. Rey struggles and screams as Kylo uses his teeth to pull off his black glove, exposing his big pale hand down to the meat of his thumb.

 “Let me go!” she shrieks. “Get your hands off me!”

He gently presses two fingertips to her forehead. She takes deep, panicked breaths and cries again.

 “Shh… I’m here to help.” Cold ebbs across Rey’s scalp, reducing her sobbing to confused sniffles. “That’s my good girl. Don’t want to see mommy and daddy after all these years covered in bruises, hm?”

It feels like he’s slipped spice in her bloodstream. Rey blinks slowly, groggy and delirious, and the red and black throne room spins together. No… no…

Kylo holds her head in both hands and kisses her forehead. His bare palm is clammy on her cheek.

 “Take a rest, Rey. You’re going to need it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun

 “Medical assessment. Medical assessment. Medical assessment.”

A chirping insistent droid wakes Rey alone in a cavernous cold room. She sits bolt upright and groans when her head pulses in pain but the droid doesn’t care, immediately whirling around her to do its assessment. She’s alone from what she can tell, lying on something soft and unfamiliar. A bed?

The droid prods her cheek. It’s a round unit with a single blinking lens and doesn’t have any more patience for her ignoring it. Rey swats at it irately and throws back black sheets, stumbling to her feet. The floor feels warm even though the air is cold. It’s like the warm sand after a hot day on Jakku.

 “Medical assessment,” the droid repeats. It spins around with a blue laser that traces down Rey’s front. “Please remain still.”

 “Go away. Shut down.” She swats again, swaying toward the bedroom door. This room is big and dark and creepy and she wants to be out of it. The soft sheets feel strange on her skin. “No thank you.”

The droid scans her again and pricks her upper arm for blood. Rey hisses and whirls around to bat it out of the air but it flies off toward the ceiling and disappears down a chute.

She’s alone in the room.

The door has a locking mechanism she’s not familiar with nor can she open. She pokes at it, scratching at the long black gown she’s dressed in because it feels strange against her skin. It’s soft and silky like water; irritating. But the robe over top at least conceals her arms and front from any prying eyes.

Her sandy clothes are long gone. Hopefully she was changed by a droid, not the awful man she met in the throne room. The Emperor seems as horrible as the rumors say, and Rey knows she needs to get away from him as fast as she can.

She searches the room for a clip to pick the door but the drawers and doors are all firmly closed. The only movable object is the bed and sheets won’t help her open up a locked door—and she can’t exactly scale out the window when they’re floating through space.

But she refuses to sit and wait, so she kneels at the door and fiddles with the lock. Sometimes she can pop off the panel to get to the wiring and cause enough havoc that the door pops open. Rey plucks one of her buns free and wraps the band around the housing, then uses the other two around the other side. She twists and twists, hoping the metal bands can hold up and break the panel—

It snaps and breaks free. Perfect.

She reaches into the multicolored wires and tears off the thick black cable that should carry the signal for the door to open. It hisses and lifts, hydraulics casting steam from opening so fast.

Rey smiles, binding her hair back into place before stepping through the door into a bigger space, one with a sitting area and large screen for conferences. There’s another door directly ahead that must lead into the main deck, and it might be hard to break open than the bedroom door.

Out here she has more available, though. She searches the sitting area first, lifting cushions and fiddling with zippers, when the hydraulics on the front door hiss and it lifts open.

Jer’Jo enters with two Stormtroopers flanking him. Even through the helmet Rey can tell he’s irritated.

 “Have a seat, Rey,” he says.

She scowls and doesn’t move.

The Stormtroopers grab her by the arms and drag her to the center of the room, and the medical droid reappears from the ceiling. It beeps and circles her with lasers while the Stormtroopers hold her in place. She hisses and yanks but they don’t let her up.

It finishes and beeps in a way Rey thinks is snotty. She glares after the black orb as it retreats.

Jer’Jo tilts his head. “The Emperor will be here shortly. I suggest you change into the clothes in the fresher before he arrives.”

 “What’s wrong with these?” Rey snaps. She folds her arms when the Stormtroopers let go. “And who changed me in the first place? I want my things back.”

 “A droid, like the one that just finished your assessment. Please change into the clothes provided. As I told you before, Rey: there’s no point in resisting what he tells you to do.”

She clenches her fists and storms off to the fresher to change. Jer’Jo is at least right about that.

The clothes are a bit less revealing: a green dress unlike what Rey usually wears, with sleeves down to the wrist, and uncomfortable tight matching shoes. She huffs as she squeezes her arms into the sleeves before ripping them off completely. They’re ugly and useless and she can’t move with them.

But the scraps work well for bindings like what she usually wears on her forearms. She ties them off and looks in the mirror at the glittering gems along the neckline that twist around the back, following her dress straight to where it brushes the floor.

Rey glances at the door. Later she can pick some of the gems loose. They must be valuable.

Jer’Jo seems relieved when she emerges in the dress. A technician is already repairing the panel she broke open and the Stormtroopers are waiting outside.

 “Good,” he says. “Good. We’ve already landed on Spintir and he’s waiting for us on the main deck.”

 “Wasn’t he coming here? Isn’t that the least he can do?”

Jer’Jo sighs through his vocoder. “Come.”

Rey follows him into the hallway and down to an elevator. She keeps her arms folded, scanning for a weapon or a Stormtrooper not paying attention, but everyone seems to realize she needs to be watched. That much must be obvious after her almost great escape.

The elevator stops on a deck with technicians on computers beneath, and a long landing before an enormous window. It looks out to a green planet entirely unlike Jakku and Rey is curious for a minute—until Kylo Ren turns around where he stands at the end of the landing. His cape sweeps across the floor.

 “Good morning, Rey,” he says with an unctuous smile.

He’s dressed the same, complete with the silver crown in his black hair and black gloves. There’s very little skin showing, save for his throat, the one place he _should_ be protecting.

Rey doesn’t respond. She stops at his side where Jer’Jo motions and waits for him to speak again, arms crossed over her chest. Kylo keeps smiling and nods towards the dark green planet directly ahead.

 “Spintir,” he supplies. “Your parents are expecting us. We already had a short discussion concerning you but I’m eager to continue it in person. Are you excited to see them again after all these years?”

She clenches her jaw. “I’m not from here, sir. I’m sure there’s been a mistake.”

Kylo raises an eyebrow as he accepts a black helmet from a Stormtrooper and another person removes his crown. Hydraulics click shut as he puts it on, an ugly thing with chrome details that hides away the last bit of humanity on his face. There’s no reading his eyes now and that’s where he gives his emotions away. 

 “I’m not in the habit of making mistakes.” His voice comes across distorted and somehow deeper, corrupted by a vocoder. “But I suppose we’ll see soon enough.”

They board a smaller ship to take to the surface with only a handful of Stormtroopers, Jer’Jo, and another person named Oola. She’s dressed like Jer’Jo in jet black with an ugly helmet that distorts her voice but she’s much quieter, refraining from speaking even when spoken to. Her weapon is a vicious-looking gun across her back that looks too big for her to hold.

Rey sits in silence. She glares at the back of Kylo’s head where he stands near the helm of the ship as they come closer to Spintir. Maybe she can make a break for it when they land.

The ship is put down in a grassy field some distance from a walled city surrounded by towering trees and thick vines. Rey can’t help her curiosity, being from a desert planet devoid of life, and she leans down to run her fingers through the long grass as the party dismounts. It’s soft, damp. It feels as though someone’s sprayed the grass with water, but what a waste _that_ would be.

 “How cruel of your parents to abandon you on a desert planet.”

She looks up to find Kylo’s helmet tilted toward her, watching the way she’s touching the grass. Rey stands and wipes her hands on her dress and she thinks she sees him stiffen.

 “They wouldn’t,” she says. “There’s been a mistake.”

 “Mhm. We’ll see.”

Kylo leads the way through the long grassy field toward the walled city. Hills gently roll in the distance, covered in more enormous trees and bright flowers, teeming with small animals unfamiliar to Rey. Something prickles in the back of her mind—a memory, maybe—but she tries her best to ignore it. Her parents aren’t from this place. They wouldn’t abandon her on Jakku.

Several guards wearing white move aside at their approach to a brown gate cut into the old crumbling wall. Kylo beckons Rey to his side as the doors groan open into the city, one lined with stone streets and buildings that she’s also never seen before. It’s civilization, people working and living together, not the haphazard tents and gutted freighters from home.

And they walk around with some purpose, carrying clothing or swords or books, bustling through the streets with somewhere to go and someone to see. Their skin is an array of colors but doesn’t have the sickly burnt tan shade she sees on Jakku; no sunburns or open wounds, no freckles from head to toe. It’s loud and lively and foreign to her like the rest of this planet and she’s again positive it’s not her home.

But Kylo disturbs some of the peace. Passerby slow and shrink back as he passes and Rey takes three steps to keep up with his every stride. He casts a long black shadow across the beige and white colors in the city, cutting through like a knife.

Rey swallows. “Where are we going, exactly?”

 “The palace. Your parents are expecting us.” He flexes his hands, a movement Rey doesn’t miss. “I’m sure it’s going to be a heartwarming reunion.”

They keep walking until they reach wide granite stairs ascending to an even bigger white building than the rest. More guards litter the stairs but more importantly, Rey sees two people standing near the top beside each other. She frowns and squints through the bright sun but can’t make them out.

 “Go ahead,” Kylo murmurs. “Why don’t you go say hello?”

Her stomach turns. “I have to get back to Jakku.” She looks up at him and tries not to cry, but she’s desperate and frightened. “Please. Please, I have to go back and wait for my parents.”

 “Kira?”

The woman has descended the steps and is now only a couple feet away from Rey, hands clasped, thumbs rubbing together. She’s wearing a green gown with sleeves that’s very close to Rey’s and a gold circlet atop wispy brown hair—and there’s something familiar about her.

Cold creeps up Rey’s throat. She feels like she might vomit.

The man stops beside the woman, a couple inches taller than her and dressed similarly in robes and another gold circlet. He seems familiar, too. His jaw is square and dusted gray and his eyes are the same gray, distant and sad, but they flicker to Kylo and become cold and hard.

 “This isn’t Kira,” the man says. He circles an arm around the woman’s waist to keep her from moving any farther.

Kylo cocks his head. “You’re right, Titus. This is _Rey_ , but I think the familial resemblance is uncanny.”

The woman abruptly stiffens, eyes widening. It’s the Force again, jolting through the atmosphere and dragging her away from Titus down the steps toward Rey. She steps back and stares and feels sick all over again as Kylo drags the woman to stand beside her, all without moving a hand.

Kylo circles to stand before Rey and the woman, blocking Titus, blocking the sun. Her eyes burn with angry tears and she fights the urge to punch his mask.

 “Oh yes,” Kylo muses. He pretends to be glancing between the two of them. “I think the resemblance is as uncanny as it can possibly be.”

The Force releases and hurls the woman to the gray granite steps. Titus hurries to help her to her feet but none of the guards in white takes a single step.

 “She was kidnapped!” Titus insists. “Arrecina and I would have told you immediately—”

 “You changed her _name_ ,” Kylo snaps, rounding on Titus with a whirl of his cape. “You dropped her on the fringe of the Outer Rim on a planet you knew I would never search, in a barren wasteland she may not have survived.”

Arrecina bares her teeth and the resemblance becomes crystal clear to Rey. Her heart pounds faster, head spinning. These are her parents.

 “It was a far better fate than being married to _you_!” she hisses. “Half the galaxy could sense something evil in you before your mother realized it and we did what needed to be done!”

Kylo moves up a step, blistering with rage Rey can feel through the Force. She blinks. She might faint.

 “Well it seems your plans have failed, Arrecina. I’ve found her, and if you’d like to maintain your sovereignty and keep your life, you will deliver on the marriage you arranged with Leia.” He lifts a hand and Arrecina chokes, clutching wildly at her throat. “Or I’ll take her by force.”

 “Of course, Emperor. Of course. We wouldn’t renege on an agreement.” Titus swallows and offers a placating hand. “Please come in.”

Kylo throws Arrecina to the stairs again and turns toward Rey. He extends a gloved hand and ignores Rey’s mother coughing and clutching her throat on the ground, Titus trying again to help her up.

Rey blinks. The ringing in her ears grows to a dull roar and when she faints, she feels the Force gently catch her. The sunny white palace fades to black.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot thickens

There’s a sweet-smelling breeze when Rey wakes. She’s never inhaled anything except the gritty hot winds of Jakku and the cold stale air of the _Supremacy_ —and this is different. It’s pleasant and warm, like fruit she’s never tasted. Different.

Her eyes flutter open, and she finds herself in a new bed draped with a translucent white canopy. The sheets are softer than they were on Kylo’s ship and she doesn’t feel the urge to bolt for the door. A window is open: the source of the breeze is a fruit-bearing tree in a white courtyard. It’s nice.

Rey slowly sits up. She’s still in her green dress, though her shoes are gone. There’s no one else in the room with her, just some assorted furniture and a big open window letting in sunshine and the breeze. It’s like being in a daydream, one of those moments she let herself imagine what _could_ be.

But like all her daydreams, it crumbles.

The door opens and Kylo steps inside, twisting the pleasant sunny room into a black hole. His mask is gone but the face beneath doesn’t bear much resemblance to anything human: pale and crooked with dark eyes that don’t reflect the light at all.

He closes the door. His gloves are on, as is his cape, but he isn’t wearing the circlet, and it seems he’s shed most of his armor for lighter clothes.

 “Feeling better?” he asks.

Rey shifts away as he crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed near her feet. He doesn’t react and doesn’t reach for her, instead keeping his arms folded in his lap. Something about him is deeply unsettling and unnatural, and it aches in her bones.

 “I’m fine.” She glances out the window and back to him again. “What is this place?”

Kylo raises an eyebrow. “Spintir. You were born here, and lived here until your parents sent you away. Titus tells me it was roughly ten years ago—being a lunatic,  Arrecina claims noticed the planet _reacting_ to my presence and insisted you be hidden.”

How does she have no memories of this place if she lived here until she was nine? All she remembers is screaming for a ship to come back, Plutt squeezing her arm and dragging her away. No fruit trees. No sweet breeze or white palace.

Rey wrings her hands. “I have to go back to Jakku. This is a mistake—I don’t belong here.”

 “Spintir is a poorly defended planet compromised of small individual kingdoms that self-rule.” Kylo ignores her completely and she bristles. “Few natural resources. This is an ancestral home like the others.”

 “Kylo. I don’t belong here.”

 “Most of the population is highly attuned to the Force, though unable to use it. Arrecina is no different. She and Leia worked closely together establishing the New Republic, and when my Force abilities became evident, they decided arranging a future marriage would be prudent.”

His poker face fades. His jaw is tight, and Rey decides not to keep pushing her luck.

The Force crawls up her calves like a cluster of spiders. She tries swatting the sensation away but soon the ice creeps across her arms and slowly, gently, leans her back into the pillows. Her breaths quicken but Kylo doesn’t react, just stares at her with a mixture of emotion she can’t place.

He rises from the bed. The window abruptly slams shut, choking the breeze and the sun, and Rey feels the same sense of uneasiness when he walked in the room. Maybe she can feel what Arrecina felt. Something about Kylo Ren is _wrong_.

 “You were meant to be my leash. That was Leia’s intent, anyway—Arrecina seems not to have liked that idea.” He takes a couple steps closer, and Rey shudders as he cups her cheek in a big gloved hand. “I resented you at first: the threat you might pose, even as a child, but power benefits from structure.”

Rey can’t speak. She swallows and twists her neck away as Kylo brushes his fingers along her throat to the collar of the dress, where he pauses, gaze following his hand. He draws his hand away and his eyes flicker back to hers as he removes his glove.

 “I think you remember me, Rey.” His skin is pale underneath, maybe paler than the rest of him. “But let’s take a look.”

She stiffens, breaths sharp and hard, and Kylo presses the heel of his palm to her forehead.

—•—

  _“Rey?”_

_Moisture falls from the sky. She’s heard of this phenomenon before: water dropping from the clouds in a heavy torrent, drenching the earth. This is called rain. She’s never seen it before—or maybe she has._

_She turns toward the voice and sees a man standing some fifteen feet away. His form is silhouetted by the mist as the rain falls, eerie blue twilight casting shadows across her face so she can’t quite make it out. She squints through the rain, shielding her eyes._

_“What do you want?” she calls. She has to raise her voice over the loud drum of the rain. “What do you want?”_

_He doesn’t answer._

_She thinks she can make out black hair cut close to the ears and maybe something like a single long braid that drapes to his shoulder.  Rey calls again but it’s swallowed by the rain, and the man doesn’t answer, but he slowly starts toward her._

—•—

The vision comes to an abrupt end.

Rey breaks free of the Force, gasping and slapping Kylo’s hand away from her forehead. She manages to sit up a couple inches before it hits her harder than before, pinning her back to the bed, and he grabs her jaw instead of touching her forehead.

The memory hurts and she doesn’t want to go back. She squeezes her eyes shut as Kylo glares down at her and forces his way into the dark part of her mind.

—•—

_“Why are you running off, Rey? You love when Ben visits, don’t you?”_

_Now she’s cold and wet from head to toe. Arrecina, the woman on the steps, sits beside Rey with a blanket around her shoulders to dry the water. She smiles weakly and glances to another woman sitting across from them in a green chair._

_“She hasn’t been feeling well,” Arrecina says. “You know how these things are on Spintir, Leia—how sensitive we are to the ebb and flow of the Force.”_

_“Yes, of course. Of course.”_

_The other woman wears her brown hair in braids and a uniform with the Rebel emblem on the right breast. She studies Rey and frowns, then glances toward another room. They’re so young. Rey is young._

_“Ben?” Leia calls. “Have you felt anything of concern lately?”_

_Nausea overpowers how cold and miserable Rey feels. She shivers and Arrecina hugs her tighter as the strange man emerges from the other room._

_It’s Kylo Ren—younger, with shorter hair, and wearing black Jedi robes Rey’s seen in books. She stares as he approaches, toweling off his soaked black hair and shrugging to his mother’s question. Leia Organa was his mother once. All evil stems from somewhere._

_Rey knows it’s stemming from him. Her throat tightens and she breathes faster, terrified of him despite how young and gentle he looks, and Arrecina whispers ‘I know’ in her ear. There’s something wrong. There’s a screaming black void—_

_“No,” Ben replies, “nothing has stood out to me.” He looks at Rey and smiles. Her skin crawls. “The kids here are sensitive, right? Maybe she’s just a little extra sensitive. Sick, maybe.”_

_“I think she’s coming down with a fever,” Arrecina supplies, and Rey feels her relief. “You know how much she loves when you visit, Ben. She doesn’t stop talking about it for weeks after you leave.”_

_He keeps smiling, but Rey knows he’s studying her like a vulture waiting for it’s prey to drop._

_His gaze shifts to Leia and he raises his eyebrows._

_“Well I’m going to shower and go to bed. I can bring her to the nexus tomorrow if you want, Ari. It might help her realign with the Force.”_

_Leia nods. “Yes, that sounds like a good idea. We can go to that spa I like, Ari, and Ben needs the sunshine. He spends so much time studying in those old temples—it will be good for him and Rey to be out and about.”_

_Arrecina tries to politely reject the offer but Leia is not a woman who can be rejected. She suggests Ben bring Rey up to her own bedroom and insists Arrecina accompany her to her own. Leia wants Rey and Ben to get along, and from what Rey remembers, they usually do, but something feels wrong._

_Ben looks over his shoulder until the two women are out of sight. He slowly looks down at Rey._

_His head tilts. He’s still smiling._

_“What’s wrong, kiddo? Not feeling good?”_

_She doesn’t respond. Her ears ring and she stares at him and he stares back at her._

_He saunters over to the couch, towering over her where she sits. Ben offers his hand and waits until she gives in and takes it, letting him pull her to her feet. He adjusts the blanket around her shoulders and the house falls deathly silent and deathly still._

_“I want to show you something tomorrow.”_

_Rey stays quiet. Ben touches between her shoulder blades to lead her to the stairs, and it feels like she’s heading for the gallows. Her heart pounds._

_“You can’t tell anyone,” he murmurs. His voice drops, soft and mesmerizing. “It’s a secret place, and I don’t think your mom wants us to go there—but I think it might make you feel better. You’ll like it.”_

_“I don’t know. I don’t feel good.”_

_He leads her up the stairs, hand steady on her back. The hallway is dark and empty but Leia’s laugh echoes from somewhere within. Rey’s bare feet slap along cold tiles, past house plants and framed pictures. This is her home. She remembers now._

_“I know,” Ben says. He stops outside her room and leans over to whisper in her ear. “Have I ever let you down before?”_

_“…No.” She smiles a little, reflecting on_ Falcon _rides and trips to the edge of the galaxy, where she watched supernovas and touched dust clouds. “I guess you haven’t.”_

_“Right. And I won’t tomorrow.”_

_Her bedroom door opens without being touched, Ben’s easy control and domination of the Force on film display. Rey yawns and shuffles inside as he rearranges her sheets and pillows, but he doesn’t follow her. She feels the Force twisting to obey him._

_“I’ll be back in the morning,” Ben calls softly. “You’re going to like it, Rey. My friend will show you how to feel better.”_

_“You don’t have any friends,” Rey giggles._

_Her dresser drawer opens and green pajamas float out. They fold neatly on the bed and the drawer shuts, then the top one opens so Rey can pick a pair of underwear. She leans on her tiptoes as Ben slowly shuts the door to give her privacy._

_“I have two.” He lets the door shut but Rey can still hear him loud and clear. “But I really only need you.”_

—•—

Her eyes snap open.

Rey stymies the flow of the memory before it can go any further, and Kylo doesn’t stop her. He smiles smugly as he withdraws to let her gasp and catch her breath, hand on her chest, heart fluttering. She doesn’t want to dig any deeper—it’s getting colder and darker and it _hurts_.

 “I knew something was still locked away. What an interesting memory to dig up first.” Kylo slips his glove back on and flexes his hand. “I told you we knew each other, Rey. I was there when you were born, and I was there when _you_ sensed a change my mother hadn’t picked up on.”

 “What did you do to me?!” Rey snaps. She scrambles for the other side of the bed, tears welling up in her eyes. “What did you do to me?!”

Kylo raises an eyebrow. “Nothing beyond our trip to visit Snoke. I didn’t _touch_ you, if that’s what you’re asking, though I can’t say it wasn’t suggested to me. Part of why my master and I had a bit of a falling out.”

She shakes her head rapidly, dizzy with fear. Kylo draws it up like a thirsty plant gulping water.

 “Just now,” Rey croaks. “Did you put a memory in my head?! What did you do?!”

 “Nothing. I uncovered what was already there. You’ve done a very good job hiding it, Rey. Maybe pathological denial is your gift from the Force.”

The door opens and Kylo heads for it without casting Rey a second glance. “I’ll be back. Mommy and I need to have another discussion about the proper punishment for high treason.”

He leaves the room ten degrees colder than before after the door shuts. Silence falls.

Rey runs her fingers through her hair and stares at the closet across from her, unable to cork and hide the old memory she’s managed to avoid. It hurts. The only way to stop the pain is by digging in deeper, and that comes with its own variant of agony.

She squeezes her eyes shut and cries—and the window quietly opens.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my most silently read fic ever, yet one of the most popular

It’s nightfall when Rey is summoned from her bedroom. She’s washed her face to hide the redness from crying and even cleaned herself in a shower—it’s interesting, with water cascading from the sky, and she may have taken a few big gulps from it.

Rain still patters on the building. A low rumble shakes the walls: the nice Twi’lek who came to collect Rey says it’s called thunder, and is sometimes followed by lightning. Rey has seen lightning before, sometimes cutting across the desert sky when the heat becomes unbearable. It never rains, though.

 “Your parents had a feast prepared for your return,” the Twi’lek says. She’s pretty, bright pink with silver bands around her lekku. She wears a beige dress that sweeps the floor.

Rey blinks. “Feast?”

 “Yes, all kinds of food from all over Spintir.” She smiles at Rey over her shoulder. “You’ll like it.”

It’s hard to imagine that with Kylo Ren in the same building. He’s a _beast_.

Rey follows the Twi’lek, Yuul, down the stairs and through the great room to a smaller room. It’s a bit dark, but there’s a long table in the center framed with chairs, and the scent of warm meat and vegetables immediately rouses Rey’s attention.

All kinds of silver pans and platters line the table. She recognizes the bottles of alcohol but the food is foreign: no soda bread here, it’s all red and white meats and colorful vegetables and breads in all different colors. Her mouth waters and she hardly notices her parents sitting at opposite ends of the table, stony-faced.

Arrecina stares at a silver platter. Her cheeks and eyes are red and a faint purple bruise rings her long, pale neck. She smiles slightly when she sees Rey, but Titus hardly bats an eye. He’s already eating.

Kylo Ren sits across from her, helmet gone, gloves removed, cape removed. Rey slowly sinks in her chair and Yuul pushes it in so she’s close to the table. Kylo smiles and motions to the spread.

 “You must be hungry. Have whatever you like, dear.”

Rey glances between her parents. Arrecina gives her an encouraging nod as another Twi’lek serves her slices of meat and some vegetables. Is she supposed to wait? It all smells so good she could dive into every platter at once.

Kylo’s smile widens. “Go ahead. You don’t need to ask for permission.”

Table manners forgotten, Rey leans across the dishes and picks out little bits of each thing to try. She licks her fingers when juice runs down them, stomach growling, and it feels like everyone is watching her like an animal at a zoo.

Still, she heaps her plate full and digs in the easy way with her hands. It’s a mess. She doesn’t care. It tastes delicious, like nothing she’s ever had before, and satisfies the craving in her belly. It’s so _good_.

Kylo studies her, still smiling, resting an elbow on the arm of his chair. He strokes his upper lip with his index finger and looks to Arrecina.

 “Don’t stare so much, Arrecina,” he says. “It’s rude.” He shrugs and leans forward, delicately cutting up a slice of meat. “One should expect their starving child to eat like a wild animal. Ten years of inflatable soda bread will do that to a person.”

 “I’ve already told you I’m sorry.” She squeezes her eyes shut and shudders, breaking down into tears. “I made a terrible mistake—I wanted to protect her.”

Kylo casually teethes the cut of meat from his fork, smiling and watching Arrecina cry.

 “I know you apologized.” He swallows and raises his eyebrows, smug. “I just enjoy hearing it.”

 “When do you leave?” Titus snaps. “You’ve only come here to show us you’re taking her away, so when do you take her and leave?”

Rey slows down in chewing, looking between the three of them again. Kylo gestures toward her, a signal to keep eating, and she isn’t about to refuse. She resumes stuffing her mouth and eyes the table for a way to squirrel away some food for later.

Firelight flickers across the table from tall candles, casting a ghostly glow on Kylo’s crooked features. He’s smirking at Titus now, back to eating the red meat, and Yuul slips beside him to refill his wine glass.

Thunder rumbles. Lightning cracks the sky, and Rey pauses to watch the way the rain tumbles to the earth. It’s amazing. Beautiful.

 “Well we need to arrange a wedding, Titus,” Kylo says like it’s obvious. “I’m not sure where we’d like to go for the _honeymoon_ , but I was always fond of the tower atop the house. Private, secluded.”

Rey snaps back to the conversation. “I’m not marrying you.”

Titus slams down his fork and pushes away from the table. He leaves the room without another word, and Kylo makes a vague motion again.

Jer’Jo materializes from the darkness. He quietly stalks into the hallway, following Titus around the corner to the stairs. Oola repositions herself to the place Jer’Jo occupied and gazes blankly at the opposite wall. It’s eerie.

Kylo eats another piece of meat, but spears some diced vegetables. Arrecina plays with her food and doesn’t look up at either of them.

 “You wanted to marry me when you were a little girl.” He tilts his head, feigning curiosity. “What’s changed since then?”

 “I don’t know you. You… you’re putting fake memories in my head.”

He glances to her mother. “Arrecina, please provide your daughter with some context. She has a hard time remembering.” The Force ripples and moves, sharp and angry, and Arrecina coughs and chokes. “It must be that spice you gave her before she was abandoned.”

Rey shakes her head quickly. “Don’t hurt her! Please. I just don’t remember any of this—and I don’t want to get married. I don’t _want_ any of this.”

She doesn’t: she wants to go back to Jakku and keep waiting, and she wants her parents to be regular people who made a terrible mistake.

Kylo releases Arrecina and she gasps, clutching her throat. Yuul closes her eyes. She’s clearly resisting the urge to go help.

He resumes eating. Rey swallows a lump and suddenly she’s not very hungry anymore.

 “You’ll come around,” Kylo says after a brief pause. He dabs his mouth clean with a napkin and wipes his hands. Yuul collects his plate. “We’ll keep dredging up those old memories and you’ll remember how much you love me.”

 “Nothing negative, I’m _sure_!” Arrecina spits. “Like when you dragged her to the dark nexus and made her sick, or kidnapped her, or—”

The Force lashes out, pinning her violently to the back of the chair by her throat. Kylo’s eyelid twitches as he turns his fingers, mimicking strangling her. Arrecina’s pale face quickly flushes red and Yuul’s lower lip quivers. That’s what the bruises must be from.

Kylo throws her out of the chair. She hits the floor hard and Yuul seems relieved, rushing over to help Arrecina back to her feet. She clings to Yuul’s arm and stretches out a hand towards Rey, but it’s slapped back to her chest with another stroke of the Force.

 “No touching,” Kylo warns. He’s scowling now, sipping his wine, and he waves them off. “You may speak to her when I see fit. Take her to the tower, Yuul—and go along with them, Oola.”

They all leave the room. Rey watches until they’re up the stairs, then turns to face Kylo.

He rolls his eyes, shaking his head. The wine goes down his throat and he sets the glass back on the table, rubbing the stem between his fingertips. He looks bigger in the dark.

 “You love me.” He gazes at the glass for a moment before his eyes flicker up to Rey’s. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Appetite gone, Rey pushes the plate away and cleans her hands. It’s beginning to feel like she has no escape and this nightmare is the new reality.

Kylo rises from the table and crosses to the other side to offer Rey his hand. She ignores it, getting to her feet alone and walking off into the great room to go back to bed. It’s dark. Her feet makes small sounds across the tile to the stairs.

Prickling crawls up her calves to her thighs and stops Rey dead in her tracks. Her eyes widen and she resists the awful feeling, but she can’t get away again.

The Emperor drifts closer, silent as a specter. Her body is frozen in place as his fingers settle on her lower back and drift around her hip to her stomach, preceding him stepping in her path. He looms over her, casting a long shadow that blocks the moonlight.

He draws his index finger along her abdomen. It’s lazy and unhurried, because he knows she can’t escape. Rey breathes harder and he gently shushes her.

 “I know,” Kylo murmurs. “This is all very new for you.” He traces a line between her breasts to the dip of her clavicle, eyes following, lips parted. “But you’ll get used to it: the food, the clothes, your insufferable parents. And you’ll get used to loving me.”

Rey grimaces as his long fingers slide around her throat and squeeze gently. They hook under her jaw, forcing her to look up at him, and Kylo raises his eyebrows. His gaze is dark and hungry and she knows exactly what he wants.

She clenches her jaw. “You… wouldn’t… _dare_.”

He draws her closer. His other hand slithers around her hip to her backside and squeezes harder, pushing Rey in until she’s pressed against his hard abdomen. Kylo nuzzles her hair and her skin crawls.

 “I can do whatever I want,” he whispers. His hand leaves her throat and slides slowly down to cup her breast, thumb gently stroking the nipple. Rey shivers. “I can bend you over the dinner table if I’d like to. I can make your parents watch.”

 “Don’t—don’t—”

He laughs lightly like she made a joke. His hand closes around her breast and palms carefully, clearly feeling the size and shape of it.

A thumb brushes her nipple on each pass and Rey stiffens at the foreign touch. It feels nice—kind of relaxing, but tension gathers in her lower belly, too. She squirms, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.  

 “That feels good, doesn’t it?” Kylo cajoles, stroking her back slowly in the meantime. He kisses along her jaw, down the side of her neck. “One of these days I’ll come to your bedroom and show you more.”

 “I don’t want more,” Rey mumbles.

He hugs her closer and she feels hard pressure on her belly. His lips are at her ear.

 “I don’t care. I’m going to show you, anyway.”

Then Kylo releases her, drawing her hand in his in the process, and leads her upstairs to her bedroom. Rey follows with butterflies in her stomach and a terrible sinking feeling. This is worse than waiting on Jakku. The truth is a terrible thing.

Kylo smiles as she slips into the room. A drawer opens in the dresser and a green nightgown floats out to fold on the bed. It closes and the one above it opens, revealing assorted panties and bras Rey has never worn before. She reddens when he places red panties atop the nightgown.

 “I don’t want to do this,” she repeats. She turns and sees him watching her from the door. “Why can’t you just find someone else to marry?”

He raises his eyebrows as the door slowly shuts.

 “There _is_ no one else, Rey. Only you.”

The door clicks shut and the lock turns.

Rey swipes the pajamas off her bed and goes to sleep naked, shivering and hiding under the thick comforter. Rain pours. Her window closes on its own.


	6. Chapter 6

Several tense days pass that way: awkward meals interspersed with Kylo tormenting Arrecina and Titus, smiling and sipping wine the entire time. Rey tries not to attract his attention in the meantime, afraid he’ll make good on his threat to come to her bedroom.

Her parents are vague memories. She knows she should feel a deeper attachment but it’s not there. Every time Arrecina casts glances her way and tries to smile, or Titus storms off from the table, Rey doesn’t feel a flicker of emotion. She eats quietly and waits for an opportunity to escape.

Kylo is occupied with other things. He spends most days in a room talking to Jer’Jo or Oola and imposes the wedding planning on Arrecina. Yuul follows Rey from her bedroom to the bathroom to the cracked pavilion outside the house.

The days are usually sunny but often cut through with clouds and rain. Rey sometimes sits near the window and stares at the rain, and sometimes she slips a hand through the window to feel the cold wetness. She’s in a cage. There’s no way for her to escape.

One afternoon, on another rainy day, Rey tries to simply leave the house. Yuul follows her down the stairs to the front door, out onto the great white steps, and down to where the street meets the steps. She pauses on the last one and lets the rain drench her hair and her green robes.

 “I wouldn’t advise this, Rey.”

She glances over her shoulder. Yuul has her hands clasped before her and nods in the direction of the house. Prison.

 “He can sense if you’ve left the premises—and he will _not_ be happy.” She clears her throat, gaze drifting to the ground. “I worry he’ll bring more harm to your mother, and she’s suffered so much already.”

 “I don’t even remember her.” Rey chews her lower lip and the rain helps hide her tears. “She left me to die on Jakku—why should I care about what happens to her? She could’ve sent me somewhere nice and safe and sent me to the desert to _die_!”

Yuul nods, and Rey can tell she’s crying, too.

 “I know. You have every right to be angry, but I was the one who told her it would be the last place he would look. He’d search Naboo and Batuu, and all the usual outposts involved in human trafficking if he thought you’d be kidnapped. But Jakku is a junk outpost, and I knew he would never think to look there. No one would leave a princess on Jakku.”

They lapse into silence. Rain drums around them as Rey stares at the Twi’lek who sentenced her to ten years of suffering alone in the desert.

Yuul’s lower lip quivers. “I’m so sorry. I was terrified he would find you; just as terrified as Arrecina was. We grew up together, Rey.” Her face contorts and she’s _really_ crying. Rey feels her grief swirling in the Force. “I should have come to find you. I should have visited. But you don’t know what he’s like—the things he’s done and will continue to do.”

 “He’s evil,” Rey says, shaking her head, staring at the house. She looks to the street again, empty, washed out from the rain. “I want to go home.”

They stand there without speaking for some time before Rey walks back to the house. Yuul follows a few paces behind.

She storms to the room where Kylo locks himself in with Jer’Jo and Oola. Yuul calls for her to stop but Rey throws herself into the door, screaming for him to come out. He’s not going to trap her here. He’s not going to unbury things and leave her to sort out the painful memories.

The door opens and she’s immediately seized by the Force. Her body freezes, trapped again, this time in a much worse prison.

Kylo emerges with the other two flanking him. They disperse, off to stalk Rey’s parents, leaving her restrained a foot in front of him. He studies her for a moment, then his dark eyes flicker to Yuul.

 “Have you upset my fiancée, Yuul?” he asks. He looms over Rey, brushing back her hair with a broad stroke of his gloved hand. He’s always covered up. “Has the mean Twi’lek been filling your head with nonsense, Rey?”

 “She’s confused!” Yuul blurts. She hesitates and twiddles her thumbs. “I told her I was the one who suggested Jakku. I’m—I’m sorry, sir. You remember that Rey and I grew up together, and when Arrecina sensed your—your power, I suggested Jakku.” Her lower lip quivers and she drops her eyes. “I knew you would never think to look there.”

A cold beat of silence follows. Kylo’s lower eyelid twitches, jaw clenching. Rey senses his anger prickling through the Force like thorns.

He smiles. “Did you?”

 “I only wanted to protect her! Arrecina is trying to protect _me_ and I can’t bear it anymore!”

The Force strikes like a snake, seizing Yuul by the throat. Kylo drops Rey to the floor and turns his attention to the Twi’lek instead, rage whipping up a storm that isn’t at all visible to the naked eye. This is new information. He’s furious that he’s been lied to.

He dismisses the Force and grabs Yuul with his bare hand, nearly encircling her long throat in his long fingers. She gasps and paws at his wrist but he squeezes and squeezes, unyielding, inflexible in his anger.

Rey scrambles to her feet. “Stop—stop! Let her go!”

Kylo ignores her. Yuul’s pink skin turns a sickly shade of purple and his arm trembles from the force he’s exerting. He’s going to _kill_ her.

 “Well it seems I’ve been torturing the wrong person.” He grits his teeth, jaw shifting, and gives Yuul a shake. She gasps and her knees buckle. “Little Yuul had the brilliant idea to leave Rey to die on Jakku. What a lovely idea, little Yuul. What a lovely idea.”

He drops her, but it’s only a moment’s reprieve. She’s seized by the Force and it twists her arms back until she screams.

Rey fights the urge to run. She can flee this. Maybe. She doesn’t know any of these people and… and she never has. She has no idea who Yuul is.

Kylo makes a sweeping motion with his hand and something cracks. He rolls his eyes as she breaks down into sobs, apologizing between hard breaths, restrained in an unnatural position at his feet. His fingers arch into claws and Yuul struggles to breathe again.

 “Always with the crying,” he mutters. He tightens his fingers at his side and Rey winces when she hears another crack. “Let’s see how many of those tiny little bones I can break. Such a _selection_ —fingers and toes and those long thin Twi’lek ribs. Perhaps I can break them all: one… by… one.”

More snapping as he finishes speaking. The display is so horrifying to Rey that she’s frozen to the floor, but she looks up when he turns. Kylo smiles. His presence in the Force is black and jagged and nauseating, buzzing with gnawing hunger that she’s felt before. Her heart pounds.

He tilts his head, gaze sweeping down her shivering wet body. He clicks his tongue and nods, lingering on her chest.

 “I think I’d like to fuck you tonight,” he says, like he’s considering the weather. Offhandedly, he twists his wrist, and Yuul screams again. “I’m not sure if you know this about me, dear: but I’m a bit of a sadist.”

Rey’s stomach turns and she stares back into his cold dark eyes, petrified. _A bit of a sadist. A bit of a sadist._ Her eyes flicker to Yuul. She should run before he does that to her one day.

But she doesn’t.

 “What do you want me to do?” she croaks. She ignores the blight in the Force, resisting the instinct to run from it. “I want you to stop hurting them—what do you want me to do?”

Kylo casually releases Yuul. She drops into a heap of limbs and sobs, deep wracking sobs that echo in the empty house. Rey knows better than to walk over and comfort her. She chews on her inner cheek instead and watches Kylo take a few languid steps in her direction.

 “I can take whatever I please from you and your family.” He shrugs, eyes lifting as he comes to stop not a foot in front of Rey. His expression is blank. “Why? Would you like me to refrain from punishing the people who orchestrated your reckless abandonment in a desert wasteland?”

 “They were trying to help—and clearly they were right to.”

 “You don’t need to excuse them.” Kylo cups her cheek, holding her gaze while he speaks. “They don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

It’s easy to resent them. They made a stupid, rash decision, but… they were trying to help. It’s not fair to be angry.

Rey presses her lips together, resisting tears. Her reunion with her family was supposed to feel good, and be happy, and make sense. This is twisted and confusing. She’s angry and relieved and anxious, mirroring Kylo’s ominous presence in the Force, terrifying her that she may become like him.

He wipes away a tear that runs down her cheek. Rey sniffles and looks past him at Yuul as he gives her a chaste kiss on her forehead. Yuul vomits and cries, and Rey feels nothing but sympathy. She can’t be angry. They were trying to protect her from this beast of a man and they did for a while. Her existence on Jakku wasn’t pure misery, just suspended animation.

Kylo lowers his voice. “Why don’t you put on something dry, hm? I’ll bring my new friend to the dungeon and you can have a visit with mommy after supper tonight. She’s been chomping at the bit to talk with you.”

 “What can I do to make you stop?”

He lifts Yuul with the Force and without a glance toward her. Rey swallows and clenches her fists, feeling very much helpless.

 “Nothing,” he says. His dark eyes are impassive, bored. “I suppose you wouldn’t have been a very useful leash, Rey.”

Kylo kisses her forehead again, then carries Yuul down a hallway, and her sobbing disappears. Something groans open and shuts. He’s murmuring to her before his voice is cut off by the slam of the door.

Rey turns in a circle, arms crossed. This is frustrating beyond belief. He’s too powerful to be confronted directly, he has no qualms about taking what he wants—she had nothing to bargain with. All he’s expressed is that he wants her to love him again, but she doubts it matters _that_ much to him. Kylo is a sadistic son of a bitch.

She runs a hand through her hair, squeezing her eyes shut, bearing the new ripples and raw edges in the Force. It’s overwhelming. It crawls on her skin like it wants to sink through. Rey shudders and her ears ring.

 “Stop.” She turns in another small circle and raises her voice, sweeping a hand blindly, angry. “STOP!”

A vase whips off a nearby end table in the path of her gesture and shatters against the wall.

Rey takes a sharp breath and glances at the chandelier tinkling overhead, swaying from the force of whatever she managed to do. Lights flicker for a moment before growing steady again, reacting to the sudden wave in the Force that she feels rebound back to her fingertips.

They prickle.

She rubs her hand frantically on her wet hip and bolts upstairs. Maybe she can pretend it didn’t happen. She’ll change and try to wheedle her way to some gentleness from Kylo, because she must have a weakness.

Rey doesn’t want any part of this. She shuts and locks the bedroom door and backs away from it, breathing hard.

It doesn’t matter. He can unlock it if he wants to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGGRESSIVE FINGERING

Rey lies in terrified silence for the entire night, but the Emperor never comes. Each hour that ticks by drives up her anxiety until the sun rises over the grassy hills outside, and people begin stirring around the house.

She hasn’t slept at all. Exhausted, she climbs out of bed and takes a shower, struggling to ignore the new prickling in her hands from the moment she touched the Force. That’s not what she wants—she doesn’t want to be dragged further into this mess.

The sun is up and there’s not a cloud in the sky. Rey climbs on her windowsill to look out at the way the grass sparkles with dew, still mesmerized by the sight after over a week seeing it. Water just falls right out of the sky. It’s everywhere here.

But it’s a prison, just like Jakku.

 “Rey?”

She turns and sees Arrecina near the door, dressed in a green dress that sweeps the floor. Her mother, even though she doesn’t remember her.

Arrecina smiles and slips inside. Rey doesn’t move from the window sill but turns to look at her as she sits on the edge of the bed. They have some resemblance to one another.

She crosses her legs, still smiling, weakly. “I’ve been waiting to talk to you. I’ve missed you so much.”

Rey chews inside her cheek. Liar.

Arrecina clears her throat and looks around the room. Everything is spotless and organized the way Rey likes it. Her hollowed out home on Jakku was organized.

 “It… it was Yuul’s idea to send you to Jakku.” Arrecina pauses and shrugs, holding back tears. “We were desperate to hide you. I hoped he would give up and find someone else but he just kept _looking_.”

 “So you left me there to die.”

Arrecina shrugs again. Rey glares at her, furious, still unable to remember if this woman is really her mother. No mother would do that. She’d find another way; find a safe place to keep her daughter hidden. Jakku was not a safe place.

 “I’m so sorry.” She looks at the floor and her shoulders tremble. Good. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you like I should have. I’m sorry he found you anyway, and this was all for naught.”

Rey folds her arms over her chest, throat tightening. She won’t cry. Not for this woman.

 “And did you know I could… I could _touch_ it?” she demands. “Touch the Force? Did you know?”

Arrecina looks up, eyes wide. Rey raises her eyebrows to demand an answer but doesn’t expect the shocked expression. She knows. She probably sent her away because she knew and didn’t want her to be like Kylo. She sent her away instead of helping her.

But her mother looks genuinely surprised. She glances over her shoulder and stands, hurrying to grab Rey’s shoulders. It makes her jerk back.

 “Don’t let him know,” Arrecina whispers. She looks at the door again and back to Rey. “He’ll think you’re a threat—he only thinks you’re sensitive, not able to use it. _Don’t_ tell him, Kira.”

 “That’s not my name!” Rey snaps.

 “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Arrecina swallows and meets Rey’s eyes, deadly serious. “Don’t let him think you’re a threat. He isn’t afraid to dispose of a threat.”

He’s not. He’s definitely not.

They both glance at the door when it opens. Rey feels his presence before she sees him, but he’s in the doorway like a towering black hole.

Kylo smiles. No cape. His sleeves still run down to his wrists, and his black boots come up past his ankles. Rey and Arrecina stare and he blinks, peering over his shoulder like he’s confused.

 “Something wrong?” he asks, curious. He keeps looking for a moment before turning, frowning, hands clasped behind him. “It’s such a beautiful day. Pity to waste it inside.”

Arrecina nods and steps back from Rey. She’s trembling.

 “Of course,” she says. “I’m sure Rey would love to see the lake.”

 “Yes, that’s what I was thinking. I’m sure she doesn’t remember how to swim.” Kylo’s dark eyes rake down Rey’s body. “I would be _happy_ to teach her again.”

Again?

Rey slips away from the windowsill to the dresser. It opens before she gets to it and she waits with gritted teeth whole clothes float out and fold themselves on the bed. She can dress herself. Why is he so controlling? And cruel? And _evil_?

Arrecina stands and rubs her hands together. “Well I’ll be on my way. More preparations before the wedding next week—harder with Yuul recovering.”

Kylo flicks his hand. Arrecina is thrown into the opposite wall, hard enough that it cracks from her elbow. She tries to keep a straight face as she straightens again and casts her eyes to the floor.

Rey scowls and glares at him. “You didn’t have to do that.”

 “I know.” He tilts his head, eyeing Arrecina and smiling. “I just wanted to.”

 “Well it’s… it’s not nice.”

Kylo meets her eyes and laughs. Rey keeps scowling and slams a drawer shut as pink panties begin floating out. Her fingers prickle and she knows it’s the Force again, already aching to move through her. She’s just a vessel following commands.

Arrecina gently but firmly grabs the back of her upper arm. She squeezes.

 “No worries,” she says. “Planning the wedding is part of my responsibilities as the mother of the bride, isn’t it? I’m happy to help.”

Rey glares at Kylo’s smug smile. She flexes her fingers until the prickling goes away. Fine. She’ll hold off.

He steps aside to let Arrecina through the door. He watches her walk down the hall and Rey goes to inspect the clothes on the bed. Green robes, matching slippers, and a pink bra—something she’s never worn. She frowns and jumps when pink panties come flying out of nowhere.

Kylo leans a shoulder on the doorframe and crosses his thick arms over his chest. He nods.

 “Go ahead. Change.”

Rey huffs, blushing. “No way. Get out.”

He licks his lips to conceal another smile and sighs. That usually means he’s about to do something awful, and he does the next moment.

The Force violently jerks in her direction. Rey yelps as her nightgown is torn open straight down the middle, swiftly ripping to the hem and tearing off. She almost strikes back at him but remembers Arrecina’s warning: he doesn’t want _any_ threats.

Kylo catches the dress as it flies to him. He rolls it into a ball, cocking his head, eyes roaming down Rey’s body. Thankfully she’s wearing bindings on her chest and green underwear. It’s still embarrassing and she hurriedly reaches for the robes.

He waves two fingers. The clothes skip away toward the head of the bed.

 “No,” Kylo says, bored. He enters the room but doesn’t shut the door. “Let me see how much of your body I remember.”

Rey stiffens. She backs up and he seizes her forearm, roughly pulling to bring her back to his chest. She hisses and brings up her knee sharply into his stomach but Kylo catches it, and uses her lack of balance to turn and shove her down onto the bed.

The Force bears down on her arms. Rey limply kicks her feet as Kylo comes to stand between her knees, already drawing his gloved hand down the front of her stomach. He traces to her belly button and pauses. His eyes hover there.

 “You’re so big now,” he murmurs. His hand fans over her stomach and he presses his fingers into the soft skin. “I only remember pale skin and pink bathing suits—and I wasn’t paying much attention.”

 “I bet you were!” she retorts.

 “No…” Kylo runs his fingertips up her thigh to her knee, smiling. “I already told you: that’s where Snoke and I disagreed.”

He grasps her hip in his other hand, big thumb pushing into the soft skin under her stomach. Rey squirms and glances at the door as he draws his fingers hard across her lower belly, over her panties, and pauses between her legs.

Kylo presses his glove there. It’s thick but she can definitely feel the heat from his skin through it.

 “Did you have much opportunity to touch yourself on Jakku?” he asks, dark eyes flickering to hers. His fingers hook over the hem of her panties and he gently pushes the heel of his palm in. “Or is that something else I’ll have the _distinct_ pleasure of showing you?”

 “That’s—that’s none of your business! You’re so rude!”

She did, once or twice, out of sheer boredom. Maybe more than once or twice.

Kylo smiles. He rolls his hand up, rubbing across the spot Rey found a long time ago. She clenches her jaw and ignores it like she perfected ignoring hunger. It’s just another sensation; another thing her body pesters her with.

 “Ah. You did, didn’t you?” He digs his fingers into her stomach and rubs again. His eyes wander down her body. “My little Rey knows how to masturbate.”

She closes her eyes, determined to ignore him. The bedroom door is wide open so anyone can hear, and she won’t let anyone hear _anything._

Kylo drags his long fingers down the front of her panties, tracing along the slit with his middle finger. The Force slips away with him and Rey is free to move again—so she sits up quickly and grabs for the clothes. Her cheeks burn.

He leans against the wall, fingers knitted in front of him. “Change. Slowly.”

She blushes harder. Rey hurries through her underwear, concealing her breasts with one arm while she slips into the new bra. She shimmies out of the panties and steps into the new ones.

 “Turn.”

God. She refuses to look at him and bites her lower lip as she turns in a circle, panties halfway up her thighs. Kylo’s eyes are on her, burning her skin.

But he doesn’t move. He’s quiet for a long painful minute.

 “Turn.”

Rey averts her eyes to the ceiling as she slowly turns in a complete circle, letting him get an eyeful or her half naked body. Kylo stays still and doesn’t give anything away. He’s staring. She doesn’t look because she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

He clicks his tongue. “Continue.”

Relieved, Rey pulls up her panties and dons the robes. They’re thick and heavy, much better than a dress, though the slippers will make running difficult.

She’s swiftly learning that Kylo only smiles when he’s violently angry or sadistic. His expression is flat when she has to meet it and he motions for her to leave the room. That’s good. Bad things happen when he smiles.

He follows her out. The door swings shut behind them, closing with a soft click.

The house is uncomfortably quiet without Yuul or Arrecina around. They descend the steps in tandem and Kylo motions at the bottom—his cape appears and clips to his back with a quiet flutter. It shrouds his broad body and makes him more imposing.

He carries on toward the front door. “I taught you how to swim a very long time ago, Rey. You may remember when you’re in the water again.” The door groans open. “If not, I’ll be there to keep you from drowning.”

It’s a beautiful sunny day on a green planet dripping with water. She should be happy, but Rey is more depressed than she has been in a very long time.

• • •

They stroll through the small town towards the outskirts, passing under the gate along the way. People seem to recognize Kylo and keep their distance. He ignores them, hands clasped behind his back and dark eyes focused ahead.

Rey doesn’t say anything. She hates him, she thinks. She’s never hated anyone, not even Unkar Plutt.

Outside the gate, they’re met with rolling grassy hills, crisscrossed with worn dirt paths and towering trees. Rey turns a little as they walk, looking up the trunks to the canopy of leaves overhead. It’s a strange sight. Shade was in short supply on Jakku but like everything else on Spintir, she’s spoiled.

A sweet breeze rustles her robe and Kylo’s cape. She tastes fruit and water and something else she can’t quite place. Earthy. Maybe wet earth.

Kylo glances down at her. “Enjoying yourself?”

 “No,” she snips. Rey clasps her own hands behind her back and pointedly looks away from him. “How can I when you’re torturing the family I don’t remember, and the friend who tried to protect me?”

 “They abandoned you to die.”

 “They knew you’d find me if I went somewhere safer. I guess you can just blame _yourself_ for me winding up on Jakku.”

Kylo’s jaw clenches. His signature in the Force shivers and spikes. Good. He should be mad.

 “It would have been much easier if they complied. We were very close. The conversion would have been simple—gentle. You loved me.”

Rey snorts. “If that memory you showed me was true, I was scared of you, and right to be.”

This time he stops. She crosses her arms and meets his hard stare, unyielding. She remembers it. She sensed his shifting presence in the Force and so did her mother, and even _he_ knew she sensed it. What happened after is still cloudy.

Kylo shakes his head, eyeing her. “No. You loved me. You were elated when our mothers told you we would be married one day, and disappointed when I didn’t share your excitement.”

 “I was a child.”

 “Yes, you were: always in mud or dirt, always getting into trouble. But you loved me, and it never goes away, only changes form and grows.”

That’s just delusional.

They carry on down the path in silence, until a large blue mass expands before them. Rey stops and blinks in shock at the enormous body of water shimmering under the sun. Water. It’s… water.

Kylo touches the small of her back. “You always liked to swim.”

It’s making her emotional, seeing so much water. Rey shrugs him off and walks down the steep hill, wiping tears away from her eyes. He doesn’t know her.

The bank is muddy. It smells lovely at the edge of the lake and she hurries to get her slippers off so she can feel the mud between her toes. Kylo is somewhere behind her. He’s watching.

Rey shrugs off the top layer of her robe and excitedly takes a step into the cold water.

—•—

  _“Ben! Ben!”_

_It’s raining but that’s never stopped her._

_Rey leaps off a tree branch into the lake and cold, deep water wraps her up like a wet blanket. She twirls and enjoys the weightlessness for a minute, closing her eyes, just hanging there._

_Two strong arms grab her around her middle and drag her back to the surface._

_She clambers on Ben’s warm bare chest, gasping and pawing for his shoulders. He’s already swimming in towards shore with long, powerful strokes._

_“There’s lightning!” he snaps. Ben glares at her, black hair a mop over his ears, and Rey shrinks back. “What have I told you about running off to swim?!”_

_“…Nothin’.”_

_He rolls his eyes, gently twisting over and setting his feet down when they get to shore. Rey glares over his shoulder as he carries her out and thunder rumbles in the distance. He’s always telling her what to do. He’s just like mom and dad._

_This isn’t the first time Ben’s caught her swimming alone and it won’t be the last. Rey is anything but obedient, preferring to do what she wants when she wants. But Ben is always there to catch her when she falls, and she’s learned to expect it._

_He drops her on a towel under the copse of trees where they usually sit. Ben ruffles his hair to get some of the water out and sits next to her, glowering at the dark clouds swiftly rolling in. They’ll stay dry because he can use the Force. Pretty cool._

_Rey grabs another towel and wraps up in it. “Fine. I was trying to show you a cool jump.”_

_“Yeah, you little shit? I was out with Bazine and about to get—” He hesitates, glancing down at her, and groans. “Why’re you such a kid, Rey?”_

_She blushes. Ben is getting older and has too much to do to be hanging around with her. He’s seventeen. He sees girls (he’s not supposed to) and takes them on long rides in the Falcon instead of taking her._

_“I’m not!” she retorts. “Sorry you like—like kissing girls and… and getting cooties!”_

_He ruffles his hair with a towel and she can’t see his face when he laughs. Rey pouts._

_The rain patters overhead, tapping the leaves and rolling off the barrier Ben made with the Force. He keeps laughing as he flicks his wrist and makes all the water jump out of his hair, straight to the ground. He’s so rude. He’s so mean._

_“You’re supposed to marry me!” Rey snaps. “That’s what my mom says!”_

_“Uh huh.” Ben adjusts the towel over her back. “I’m getting in some practice, babe. Ten years is a long wait.”_

_“Then I’m practicing, too!”_

_He runs his fingers through her hair, pulling the water out with the Force. He’s not smiling. Lightning cracks across the sky over the lake and Rey jumps._

_“No,” Ben says. He wraps her in another towel. “You’re going to wait for me.”_

—•—

 “Problem, dear?”

Rey blinks out of the memory and turns. Kylo is walking along the shore, branches and bushes twisting out of his way, and he’s watching her with a small smile. She shivers.

 “No. Water’s cold.” Her gaze travels. “Where are you going?”

 “The same spot we usually sat in. It’s further down.”

Rey follows him along the path, trying to ignore the way he’s bending and manipulating the Force, until they emerge into a small clearing at the edge of the water. It’s surrounded by rocks that shield them from prying eyes, and a thick branch extends several feet out. This is where she jumped.

Kylo looks out, unclipping his cape. “We used to spend hours here—sometimes the entire day. Our last outing was a little over ten years ago, just before you were mysteriously kidnapped.”

 “And before you brought me to that awful place. The dark side nexus.”

 “Well, it wasn’t _entirely_ awful. You were onto me and I tried to bring you into the fold—to make the conversion easier. At that point we had eight years until we married when you turned sixteen; ample time for me to…”

 “Brainwash me.”

He drapes his cape on the damp ground and sits, motioning for Rey to join him. She keeps her arms crossed but sits about a foot away.

They sit in silence for a while. Birds sing and the water rolls gently to the shore, quiet calm that Rey knows won’t last. She curls her wet toes and studies the mossy rocks and weeds beneath the surface of the lake. It must be slippery, and dark, and cold.

Kylo sighs. “I did try to take you a bit early, but your damn mother figured it out. You were four or so, a couple months after being told we’d marry when you were older. You were _very_ excited. I didn’t want that excitement to fade.”

Rey scowls, glancing at his impassive pale face. That’s what Arrecina meant at dinner the other day.

 “You kidnapped me twice, then?” Rey asks coldly.

 “I did, didn’t I?” Kylo smiles and leans forward, tugging off his left glove. “Showing is better than telling. Let’s take a look.”

The Force seizes her in place, but she wouldn’t have refused, anyway. She needs to see these things.

He touches her forehead with two fingers.

—•—

_It’s the middle of the night. Everyone is asleep except Rey and Ben, and he’s helping her out the front door. She has her favorite bag filled with clothes and toys. She’s being as quiet as she can because Ben said it’s important, and she doesn’t want him going and kissing other girls._

_“Where are we going?” Rey whispers._

_They go on all kinds of fun trips together. She has vague memories of the_ Falcon _from when she was very small, and more recent recollections from just last year. Ben is a talented pilot, just like Han._

_He waves his hand. The front door softly shuts behind them._

_“Naboo,” he whispers. “You’re going to stay in Varykino. That’s where my grandpa used to stay with my grandmother—remember? Anakin and Padme?”_

_“Yes, yes!” Rey hops in place and grabs Ben’s hand. “I want to go!”_

_Ben smiles, knitting his fingers in hers._

_“I know. You’re going to stay there, and I’ll visit whenever I can. Think of it as a long vacation.”_

_That’s fine. Mom and dad are annoying, anyway._

_They aren’t supposed to fly far without Han. Ben is fourteen and Rey is only four, and they can get in big trouble deep in space._

_But he’s confident and strong and she trusts him._

_He helps her into a ship that isn’t the_ Falcon. _Rey hops into the copilot seat and Ben joins her a minute later, flipping switches on the dash and above his head. She wriggles and squeezes her bag. His Force signature is broader and harder to read than it usually is._

_Ben gives her a crooked smile. “Ready?”_

_“Yes. I’m ready.”_

_They lift off from Spintir. A low, long alarm sees them off as they climb into the atmosphere._

_It’s a long trip to Naboo and Rey dozes off. She wakes up when Ben picks her up and carries her off the ship, through doorways and dark halls. She yawns and nuzzles into his neck where the Padawan braid hangs from his hair._

_He brings her to a bedroom with an open balcony overlooking a lake. The air here is warm, like summer back home, and Rey squirms until Ben sets her down. She races out to look, clambering up on the balcony and gasping. It’s even prettier than Spintir._

_“I want to live here,” she calls. She arches on her tiptoes. “It’s so pretty, Ben!”_

_“It’s like this all year, too.” He walks up to stand next to her and closes his eyes. “Quiet. Warm. We can live here when we’re married—just the two of us.”_

_“Really?”_

_Ben keeps gazing across the water. The moon hangs low and bright and reflects in his dark eyes._

_“Yeah,” he replies. He ruffles Rey’s hair and points to the bedroom. “Go to sleep, kid. I’m gonna have to leave for a couple days in the morning when everyone’s trying to find you.”_

_That goes over her head. Rey hops down and races to the big bed, and jumps in it, but Ben is gone when she turns to laugh with him._

_She sits alone in the dark. It’s not a fun vacation if he isn’t with her._

—•—

The memory snaps back where it came from.

Rey jerks away from Kylo’s hand, hyperventilating. He covers his hand again and leans back on his palms, long legs crossed. His brow is furrowed.

 “Your mother was _not_ pleased,” he says. “They found you within that handful of days, but Leia brushed it off as teenage stupidity.” He smiles, lazily looking to Rey. “I had every intention of holding you prisoner there until you were old enough to marry me. I never did like sharing.”

 “How could you be so selfish at fourteen?!” Rey snaps. Shaking, she returns to crossing her arms, glaring at the lake. “You were just as awful then as you are now!”

 “It was borne more out of possessiveness than greed. You were young and sweet and I worried someone would taint it, like they tainted me. I wanted to be the one to introduce you to the reverse side of the coin.”

That’s even _worse._

Rey sits in angry silence. Kylo moves after a while, casually peeling off his gloves, then his boots. She pretends not to see him as he gets through his shirt and pants and is almost entirely naked beside her. Her cheeks burn.

He stands. “Come. Let’s swim.”

 “No.”

Kylo sighs and stretches. She glances up and sees his bare back, crisscrossed with thick, ugly scars knotted from age, all layered across muscle shifting under pale skin. Her gaze travels down to the small of his back before she looks away.

 “You’ll feel better.” He walks into the water up to his waist and slowly drifts into it, eyebrows raised. “I won’t let you drown.”

 “I bet you will.”

Rey glares while he swims for a bit—then decides she might as well try. It looks fun.

She shrugs off the robes down to her bindings and the skin-tight pants underneath. Kylo must find footing because he stands and watches her poke the water with a toe before she starts in. She does her best not to look at his broad chest, or his shoulders, or anything.

A rock tilts. Rey squeaks and tries to get her footing again but topples forward, hands waving wildly.

He catches her before she falls flat on more rocks. She huffs and scrambles with her palms on his bare shoulders but he quickly slips out into deeper water, and she can’t let go. She doesn’t remember how to swim and this is deep and dark and cold.

Kylo wraps an arm around her waist. He’s _strong_ : the water ripples and moves, yielding to every subtle whim he has, because he isn’t at all a vessel waiting to be filled. He’s a cog in the wheel. No one moves him.

 “You did that!” Rey hisses. “You made the rock move!”

 “All’s fair in love and war.” He hums as he turns, sinking deeper, and Rey presses closer. “It’s a lovely day to swim—pity for you to waste half of it trying to get in the water.”

She shivers in the cold and clings to his warm body. He’s such a _jerk_.

Rey shifts on his hips, grudgingly wrapping her thighs around them, and she feels hot pressure. She tries moving up to avoid it but Kylo’s hand pushes down on the small of her back to keep her in place.

He slides down, squeezing her eyes, lips at her ear. Rey reddens and swallows.

 “That’s what I’m going to give you in a few more days,” he murmurs. He cups the back of her head with his other hand, floating with the aid of the Force. “I can give you a little taste right now if you’d like.”

 “No—no. No.”

 “But you’ve been waiting for so long like a good girl. I’m sure we can get away with a taste.”

Kylo suddenly shoves her into a rock. It takes her breath, but she can’t put her feet down so she’s stuck holding onto him and squirming. The rough rock scratches up her back as Kylo pushes harder.

He kisses the side of her head, still cradled in his hand, and his fingers skate down her hip.

 “Shh…” Fingertips slide gently across her pants once with a bit of pressure, then up and inside on the next pass. “Just like touching yourself on Jakku.”

It’s warm skin on cold. Rey takes a sharp breath and arches against the rock as Kylo slips two fingers between her legs, fist pushing against the fabric of her pants. She whimpers and kicks in the water, making a splash, but she’s pinned by his hips.

He parts her folds and dips his fingers through like he’s trying to memorize the texture of her skin. It’s slow and torturous, but Rey can’t help squirming against it. Kylo sighs and kisses her head lazily while he strokes along through the water and warmth, tracing her slit before dipping inside again.

 “Nice and soft,” he whispers. He suppresses another struggle, wedging her harder against the rock. “How many fingers would fit inside you, Rey?” His middle fingers drifts down and gently, painfully penetrates her. “Must have been no more than two.”

She can’t begin to speak. Rey digs her nails into his back as he pumps his finger inside her, drawing the tip along a sweet spot, and circling another with his thumb. A choked whimper comes out and she stiffens and squirms on his finger as he adds another.

Kylo groans. He eases in deeper and she gasps at the intrusion—his fingers are much thicker than hers.

 “ _That’s_ it. That’s good.” He breathes hot on her temple, drawing his fingers along her muscles to feel the ridges. “What a lovely girl I have; waiting for me just like she was told to. What a lovely, obedient girl.”

 “Please—Ben—”

He groans again, nodding into her hair. His fingers keep thrusting and his thumb rubbing the sensitive nub, and Rey knows she’s going to climax. She whines and her knees drift from the water.

Kylo kisses her neck and draws his fingertips rhythmically inside her. “Say that again. Say it when I have you on your hands and knees—” He gives an abrupt thrust and Rey cries out. “And you’re trying to convince yourself I’m anyone except your _Emperor_.”

 “Please stop,” Rey manages, gasping. Her heels dig in to his upper thighs. “Please, Kylo—please.”

 “Ah, ah— _Ben._ Drift back to those scant memories and reconcile what you can, Rey. I like watching you squirm and struggle.”

She bucks against his hand, head spinning. What does he want? What is he _doing_?

 “Ben?” she whimpers.

 “That’s my good girl. _Ben_.” Kylo slips his fingers from her pants and the hot hard thing pushes between her legs. He slaps a hand on the rock and uses the other to hold her lower back, pushing her rolling hips against him. “Ben would have taken you in that pretty room in Varykino, wouldn’t he?”

 “…Yes.” Rey sobs a little. It’s not bare skin on skin and he’s not penetrating her, but she feels the threat in the way he’s rubbing against her. “Please don’t—”

Kylo shushes her. His hand wanders down to squeeze her behind again and he swallows hard.

 “This is just a little taste,” he whispers. “Now you’ll know how to lie on your back and spread your legs for me.” His voice lowers, malevolent. “What do you think Ben would have done, Kira? Gentle sticky fondling on a warm summer day? Would he have asked you to suck his cock?”

 “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

 “Yes you _do_.” He grabs the rock with both hands and seizes her throat. Rey meets dark, angry eyes. “You would have been fucking him next to the lake by your fifteenth birthday, tiptoeing to his bedroom for fumbling abandoned attempts for months before—and you would have been in _love_ , but now you have the distinct displeasure of marrying _me_.”

Rey squeezes her eyes shut but the Force strikes her throat so she has to look at Kylo when she comes. She pushes in his chest and twists her neck, helplessly bucking against him, knees tight around his hips.

He rests his forehead on hers, following suit. Rey feels him fluctuate in the Force as he groans and jerks sharply between her legs, big body shuddering. He tightens his physical hold on her throat when the pleasure peaks and she _feels_ it, like waves around a rock. It’s only skin-deep.

Kylo huffs. He grabs her hair and yanks back, forcing her chin up, forcing her to meet his glassy eyes. He licks his lips and raises his eyebrows.

 “I’m sorry to disappoint you,” he whispers, “but I am not _Ben._ ” He pulls. Rey winces. “And if you ever say that name again when we’re being intimate—I’ll punish you. Severely.”

 “It was an accident,” Rey retorts. “I was…” She pauses, reddening. “Almost there, and wasn’t thinking straight.”

 “I know.” Kylo breaks into a smile. “You’re very vocal.”

He lets go. Rey has to cling to him as he brings her back to shore, and she scrambles for her clothes. He waves a hand to dry them both off and begins the long process of putting his things back on.

 “You didn’t teach me to swim,” Rey mutters.

Kylo summons his lightsaber to his palm and casually hooks it to his belt.

 “No,” he muses, “I didn’t.”

He sweeps his cape around her shoulders, now free of mud and water, and kisses her forehead. Rey shivers and pulls it tighter. Clouds are coming in—another storm to drench the earth.

Kylo touches her chin with a curled finger so she looks up at him. He’s smug.

 “I like the way you cling to me.”

Rey grits her teeth. Thunder rumbles ominously in the distance and Kylo gestures toward the path.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm big into canon kylo rn

Upon arrival home, Jer’Jo alerts Kylo of an issue on an Outer Rim planet; an uprising of miners. He leaves Rey with a chaste kiss to her forehead and sweeps away in a ruffle of his black cape. She glares at his retreating form before going up to her bedroom.

A shower doesn’t make her feel much better. There are only a handful of days before Rey is married to the monstrous Emperor and it seems there’s no way out. Even her own parents can’t protect her.

Rey sits on the edge of her bed in the warm afternoon sun, gazing down at her palms. The Force moves through her—she can feel it. An ability to tap into the Force requires a teacher and many years of instruction but she doesn’t have that kind of time or access. No one can know.

Arrecina knows, of course, but she won’t let that slip. Rey’s mother has already let her down in a multitude of ways and letting her daughter’s Force abilities slip to the Emperor may be the worst.

Rey flexes her hands. The Force is frightening: powerful, deep, and willful. It doesn’t react well to being controlled the way Kylo twists and bends it. She knows she’s merely a vessel for things already decided, but she wishes she could learn to manipulate the Force, just a little bit, just enough for protection.

But that’s not the way it works.

• • •

Yuul comes to collect Rey for dinner. She’s bruised and battered but alive and out of the chambers in the basement, though quieter. She leads Rey down to the dining room and steps aside to lean against the wall with Jer’Jo and Oola.

Kylo sits in his usual spot with Titus and Arrecina at opposite ends of the table. He smiles as Rey takes a seat, sipping his wine and chewing another exotic meat. She ignores him and thanks Yuul.

They’re all silent for some time. Rey helps herself to dinner, piling her plate high like she usually does, and Kylo watches her. Her parents remain quiet.

 “I’ve been called away on business.”

All three look up at Kylo’s admission. Arrecina glances at Rey but oddly, Titus speaks.

 “Perhaps one of your men can stay here and watch Kira,” he suggests. He looks at the two leaning on the wall. “We can finish further preparations for the wedding—”

 “No.” Kylo studies Rey, chewing slowly. “Rey and I will be married tonight.”

Her heart skips a beat. Oh no.

Titus scrambles. “Your Highness, I assure you, K—Rey will be guarded closely in your absence. You deserve a beautiful wedding with honored guests from across the galaxy, and Arrecina has done such a wonderful job. I’m sure this insurrection will be dealt with promptly.”

 “We would be happy to accommodate more officers,” Arrecina adds. “For Rey’s protection.”

Kylo rolls his eyes, clearly not interested. He’s not stupid. He won’t leave Rey anywhere he isn’t.

 “We’ll return for the full event,” he says. “For now, it will be made _official_ , and my new wife will accompany me on this…” He swirls his wine, smiling vaguely. “Diplomatic mission.”

 “But the Outer Rim is so dangerous,” Titus insists, “and she’ll be very safe here.”

Rey’s eyes flicker between the two of them. The Force creeps up through her arms toward her fingertips, and one quick swipe will send the entire table flying. She’s not going with Kylo. She can’t.

But she notices Arrecina watching her, and a slight shake of her head. What other time is right to make her abilities known? When she’s trapped on the Emperor’s ship full of First Order officers? When he drags her to his bedroom to have his way with her?

Her heart pounds, palms growing clammy as the Force moves through her. This is her only chance to escape. Where? She doesn’t know, but it’s her only chance. There must be a ship she can commandeer.

 “Something wrong, my love?”

Kylo’s head is tilted, dark eyes assessing the fear that must be evident on Rey’s face. She shakes her head and rubs her damp palms on her thighs.

 “No,” she lies. She keeps shaking her head. “I’m fine.”

 “Eager for our first night together, I’m sure?”

Ugh. She tries to smile, nodding.

Kylo eyes her for a moment before his gaze roams back to Titus. He sips his wine.

 “I’ll need the release after dealing with the uprising on Exogol.” He meets Titus’s glare, unperturbed. “You know how it is during war, Titus: when your blood starts pumping and all the scurrying village girls draw you to some dark corner. Tempting.”

Then Kylo looks back at Rey and she stares, terrified. He gives her a smug, small smile.

 “This way I’ll have my own _personal_ village girl waiting in my chambers—ready to receive all my frustrations.”

The Force moves before Rey realizes what she’s doing. She flips the entire table over towards Kylo, jumping from her chair and making a break for the door. She’ll risk death before she becomes some concubine for the Emperor.

Her legs freeze in the hall and she casts a frightened glance over her shoulder. It prickles up her calves like ice and she feels the Force bending; fraying.

Arrecina pleads and is restrained by Jer’Jo. Kylo curls his fingers, up on both feet and still holding his glass of wine. He smiles knowingly.

 “It looks like my fiancée has been keeping secrets from me.” His jaw clenches and he twists his fingers, turning the cold into pain. “Come, dear. Let’s discuss your new little trick.”

Rey sweeps her hand and knocks him hard into the wall, breaking his grip on her legs. She bolts outside into the cold, rainy evening.

Stumbling, she quickly decides to run for the patio, where she’s sure she can hop the fence and disappear into the thick trees. Her heart races and she kicks off the slippers so she can run faster, bare feet splashing through puddles. If she makes it to the woods—

She senses another strike in the Force just before she trips and falls hard on her shoulder. Groaning, she squints through the rain and sees him standing near the door, black cape fluttering in the wind—and he’s wearing his helmet. He lifts his hand.

Rey grits her teeth and gives a hard swipe with her hand, knocking him off balance enough that he loses his grip. He shouts as she scrambles to her feet and runs for the fence, which she quickly climbs, bare feet clinging to the metal rungs.

She jumps over and rolls to catch her fall. Shoulder throbbing, Rey paws to her feet in the mud, but glances back when she hears a shrieking metal sound.

Kylo is bending the gate out of his way. It rends down the middle, metal twisting, howling as it rips in half far enough for him to step through. It’s absolutely terrifying. He has no qualms about manipulating the Force beyond what he should and Rey can sense the unsteady prickles all around them.

He knocks her over on her ass. She sweeps out again, frightened and unsure of what else to do, following the flow of the Force through her arm. But Kylo meets the stroke with his own and throws it back against her so she falls back into the mud.

 “So _strong_!” he calls, mocking, voice mottled by the vocoder. “But you’ve no idea what you’re doing, do you?”

A hard thrust pins her to the cold ground by her throat. Rey gasps and thrashes, clawing where she feels like his hand is choking her. He strides closer with his hand outstretched, black boots splashing through puddles, and she knows she’s doomed.

 “I hate you!” she spits. She tries attacking again the way she’s watched him curl his fingers but she can’t dig into the energy around her the way he does. “I _hate you_!”

 “No you don’t. You _love_ me.”

Rey lashes out, this time hurling water into his helmet; it’s just enough for her to run off into the woods. He trips her over some roots and she hits back the same way, but Kylo easily bats away her feeble attempts to control the Force.

Rain drums on the thick canopy of trees. He stalks toward Rey through the darkness and reaches back into his cape for something—a _collar_.

He flicks his wrist, popping it open. It catches the frail light in the forest and lights up red along the edges.

 “Where do you think you’re going?” he taunts. He gives another hard shove with the Force to pin Rey to the leaves. “Hm? Do you think you can get away from me?”

Her eyes widen as he steps over her and leans down to fix the collar around her neck. It snaps shut, and the Force somehow snaps off.

Rey gasps, immediately clawing at the collar like it’s choking her, and maybe it is. She feels blind and deaf and mute at the same time and it’s _painful_ ; she’s never been cut off from the Force and abruptly realizes how intrinsic it was to her being.

It was the only thing. Everything.

Kylo seizes her jaw in a gloved hand. His helmet gives nothing away.

 “I knew you were hiding something from me,” he murmurs. “How unfortunate that I had to force your hand like this.”

She huffs for air as he scoops her in his arms. Her ears ring and the world spins while Kylo carries her through the woods, back through the twisted fence to the patio. It _hurts_. It’s like being numb all over with nothing but cold emptiness left behind.

Rey’s limbs tremble on the walk back into the house. Arrecina is still crying and Titus is shouting, but Oola and Jer’Jo are keeping them contained in some other room. It’s loud and frightening and overwhelming.

 “You can’t take her!” Arrecina insists, tearful. “You just brought her back!”

 “The Emperor can take her wherever he pleases.” It’s Jer’Jo, more irritated than Rey’s ever heard him. “I suggest you stop before you annoy him, Arrecina.”

Kylo lays Rey on a blue couch in the sitting room. He presses the release on him helmet and pulls it off to set on the side table, sweeping from the room so fast that she hardly sees him go.

He speaks in hushed tones to Arrecina, who’s crying, still whispering for him to leave Rey behind. Rey herself feels like she might faint.

 “We’ll accommodate the Stormtroopers,” Arrecina says. “Please—I’ve barely had time.”

 “You’ll have more when we return.” Choking. Kylo lowers his voice. “If you shut up now and fetch the paperwork, that is. Bring the judge. We’ll make this official on paper before Rey and I leave.”

She groans and shakes her head. Oh no. No, no.

Rey rolls off the couch and hits her shoulder again, whimpering, still disoriented from being cut off from the Force. She squirms as Kylo comes back into the room, clicking his tongue and shaking his head. Yuul hovers outside with her head bowed.

 “I know,” Kylo coos. He leans down and picks Rey up bridal style to lay her on the couch again. He cups her cheek, dark eyes on hers. “I know you want a nice wedding, my love—and you’ll have one when I’m finished with business on Exogol. For now…” He grasps her jaw, squeezing. “I just want it to be _official_.”

He turns and snaps at Yuul to bring Rey’s dress. The Twi’lek skitters off and Jer’Jo peers inside, still hidden under his own helmet.

 “Sir,” he says, “we need to leave—urgently.”

 “Not yet. There’s time.”

 “You know I’m not one to push, sir, but if we’re to arrive before it descends into anarchy…”

Kylo scowls, straightening. He snaps at Jer’Jo who relays the same message, then he puts his helmet back on. They’re in a very big rush for some reason. It must be a real emergency.

Rey whimpers as Kylo lifts her into his arms again, but she’s fading, reeling from the collar and the chase. He carries her past her parents, two people who she hardly knows and hardly cares for, back out into the rainy night. She’s tired. She wants to go back to Jakku.

 “It doesn’t matter, sir,” Jer’Jo says. “You _are_ the law, after all. No one needs to approve the marriage.”

 “True as that is…” Kylo looks down at Rey, ignoring Arrecina screaming for him to bring her back. “I’ve been looking forward to the event for a very long time. But I suppose this is enough for now.”

Nightmares of Kylo Ren coming for her in a cold room have become all too real. Rey looks past his arm to the house she can’t remember and the parents she’s always dreamed of having, and she isn’t sure if _anything_ is real anymore.

She drapes limply in the Emperor’s arms and her eyes flutter shut. Maybe this is all a waking nightmare.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> noncon

Rey awakens alone in a bed: no Kylo, no Arrecina, and no sunlight streaming through her bedroom window.

She blinks, eyes straining in the darkness, only able to make out a few small details. She’s in a large room and a big bed; much softer than hers back home and dressed in black sheets. When she ventures a hand from under them she finds the air is bitter cold.

Shivering, Rey shuffles into the warmth of the blankets. Her hair is damp and her clothes have been removed in favor of a thin nightgown, but the collar remains around her neck. It’s tight. Cold.

And she still can’t feel the Force around her like she could before. There’s an empty space it used to inhabit that’s now raw and frigid and uncomfortable. She won’t be making any daring escapes right now—and Kylo is clearly much more skilled than she is.

For now, she has nowhere to go. Rey closes her eyes and curls into a ball, shuddering. Nowhere to go.

—•—

_There is something evil about this place._

_Rey clings to Ben’s hand as he leads her toward a dark, vine-covered stone hut, tucked away past swampland and thick trees. A cold miasma penetrates the forest and makes the hair stand up on her nape, frightening her so much that she stops dead._

_She shudders. “I don’t want to meet your friend.”_

_Ben frowns, sidling closer to her, and Rey throws her arms around his middle. He pats her shoulder._

_“You’ll be fine,” he reassures. “He won’t hurt you. We’re just here so you can realign with the Force, remember? My friend can help.”_

_“But…” Rey peers up at Ben. “But it feels like_ you’re _sick.”_

_“Me? Why d’you think I’m sick?”_

_“…I can feel it. I can feel it like I can feel how bad this place is.” She shudders again and shakes her head, withdrawing from him. “We should go back. Mommy will know what to do.”_

_He shushes her. Rey lets herself be gathered back to his side and buries her face in his shirt when he hugs her. She senses the miasma twisting, shifting toward them, so she squeezes her eyes shut._

_Ben pets her hair as dead leaves crunch under the weight of something big. She hears a soft, eerie laugh and pushes her nose into Ben’s stomach until she can’t breathe. The Force twists itself into gnarls as the newcomer bends it to their will—not effortless the way Ben does, but strained._

_Ben hugs tighter. “This is Rey. She’s mine.”_

_An icy breeze tickles her nape. Rey breaks down into tears and Ben shushes her some more._

_“Ah…” muses a crinkly, raspy male voice. “Yes. Very attuned to the Force.” Leaves crack like he’s circling them. “You’re to marry this one?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“And…? Should she be replaced?”_

_“No,” Ben snaps. He crouches to lift Rey up, letting her wrap her legs around his hips and cry into his shoulder. “I don’t want her replaced. I want_ her _—and Arrecina will interfere.”_

_The voice sighs, rustling the leaves. Rey sniffles while Ben rubs her back and risks a peek over his shoulder._

_A shadow passes by the cottage, tall and shapeless with beady red eyes. Her eyes widen and she quickly hides in the safety of Ben’s shoulder again._

_“These attachments are a hindrance,” the creature says. “Your grandfather was destroyed by his own: to his son, and to his wife.”_

_The Force roils like a bubbling pot around Ben. He seems to prefer it that way, and likes dipping his bare hands into the agonizing heat. His dominance over the Force is dizzying: it resists but he bends and pulls until it yields, unaffected by the way it recoils._

_Mommy has told Rey before that Ben is powerful, and part of her job is to help him with it._

_“I’m not going to let her go,” Ben says coldly. “You told me—you said you could make this easier if I brought her here.”_

_“This girl is only sensitive; she cannot access or manipulate the Force. What use will she be, other than a distraction and a_ hindrance _? Look how frightened she is. What use is she?”_

_“She’s mine. She’s always been mine. I won’t leave her behind when the time comes.”_

_“Dispose of her.”_

_Ben lashes out._

_The Force sways and strikes, rebounding and striking again before Rey realizes it. She hears hissing layered with crunching leaves, and Ben turns a bit, covering the back of her head with his hand. She’s sick. She might throw up._

_His voice lowers. “I said: I won’t leave her behind when the time comes, Snoke.”_

_“Then the time will_ never _come, young Solo.”_

_Ben clenches his jaw. He turns and heads out of the small clearing without another word, cradling Rey like a porcelain doll. The time for what?_

—•—

As the vision ends, Rey awakens with someone else lying beside her.

She startles, terrified when she feels body heat against her back, but she’s swiftly pinned on her stomach. Rey’s breaths quicken in the darkness, sharp, panicked whimpers. He’s here.

Kylo nuzzles her hair and takes a deep, long inhale. He sighs into the crook of her neck, one big hand trailing down her ribs and over the hill of her hip to pause on her thigh. He shuffles closer so his warm, broad body is flush to hers—and she can’t move.

 “I’ve had a _very_ long day,” he mumbles against her skin. Fingers tug the hem of her panties down, and he takes a wavering breath. “And I need my village girl to receive some of my frustrations.”

Rey hardly resists as Kylo turns her on her back. She can’t see much, especially under the sheets, but she feels his fingers on her lower belly and his breath on her neck. He kisses her gently as he plucks her panties from her ankles and casts them aside.

Cool air slithers across her skin and Rey trembles, cold and frightened. Is he going to…? She’s still drowsy from her nap and aching from the collar; this isn’t the best time for… that. No time is the best time for that.

 “Where am I?” she whispers.

 “Home.” Kylo leans back to pull off his shirt and she makes out his chest looming over her in the dark. “The _Supremacy_ —home for the time being, at least.”

 “Why is it so cold?”

He kisses her cheek, nudging her thighs apart with his knee. The warm blanket draws over them and Rey digs her heels into the mattress, frightened by his proximity. He’s so close, and heavy, and hot. She’s never been so close to a person.

 “It’s nice sleeping in the cold,” Kylo murmurs. He traces his tongue along her jaw, shifting his weight. “And we’ll keep each other warm.”

His lips wander down her neck, across her collarbone, and Rey watches him disappear beneath the sheets. She swallows a nervous lump as his warm mouth wanders around her stomach and over her hipbone, lower still, to the inside of her thigh.

She stiffens. What is he doing?

Kylo doesn’t answer her anxious tension. His wet tongue slithers across her skin, inward where she doesn’t want him to go. Rey covers her mouth when he kisses her there and her thighs tighten around his head as his tongue dips inside. It’s humiliating and strange to be exposed like this. She wants to cry.

His arms wrap under her legs to prop her up closer to his mouth. Rey bites her fist to keep quiet and hold back any tears or whimpers, too panicked to give any thought to the sensation of his mouth or the way it feels. It might feel good but she can’t be sure. It’s cold—she can’t relax because she knows what’s coming.

After several minutes Kylo seems to realize her discomfort. He prowls up her body again and kisses her lips tenderly in the darkness. She tastes herself, an odd musky scent; foreign. His tongue dips in her mouth and he reaches down between them.

At least she can’t see anything. Rey figures it’s a blessing and a curse.

 “Best to get the first time over with,” Kylo says. He kisses her cheek and his bare skin brushes her inner thighs. “Just relax.”

 “I don’t want to,” she whispers. Something blunt pushes between her legs and she chokes, squirming away. “Stop… stop.”

He shushes her, more patient than he’s ever been. Her resistance grows desperate as the hard warm _pushes_ , not shoving, but unrelenting. Her thighs tremble around his hips and she keeps shifting and whispering for him to stop.

Kylo groans and repositions. Wracked with shudders, Rey clings to his back like a drowning kitten.

 “Okay,” he breathes. “Let’s try this.”

She can feel his cock along her slit, no longer prodding for entrance but resting higher up. He rolls his hips and it strokes through her folds, damp from his tongue; far more preferable to him forcing himself inside her. Some of his weight is supported on his forearm and the rest pins her to the bed beneath him.

Rey hides her face in his neck, eyes squeezed shut. His skin is warm and soft, even if the rest of him isn’t. She can reflect back to the strange vision, or dream; whatever it was. He didn’t sacrifice her to the strange man. He _wanted_ her.

Kylo carries on like that and her toes curl. He’s rubbing the same spot from the lake and her insides tighten with anticipation. It feels nice.

Then he draws his hips back once more, further than before, and the pressure returns.

Rey stiffens. “No—no—”

 “I know. I know.” He groans into her hair and keeps going, this time penetrating her with much more ease. “I know, Rey. Shh.”

He’s too damn heavy for her to move. Panicked, she digs her nails into the thick skin of his back and tries twisting her hips away from his cock, but there’s no escape. Gentle but unyielding, he presses on, and Rey wails into his shoulder.

It doesn’t so much hurt as it feels _violating._ Kylo paws blindly for her hip to hold her where he wants as she’s forced to take his length until she’s suffocating.

 “I love you so much,” he mumbles, mouthing her jaw. His hips flex as he bottoms out inside her up to his hilt, like he’s stretching a sore muscle. “God—I love you so much, Rey.”

 “You don’t love me!” she hisses. Her sobs come harder with the gentle, steady roll on Kylo’s hips into hers. “Stop doing t-that!”

He cups her cheek and kisses her, not at all hard or aggressive, and it makes her so mad that she bites his tongue. Kylo growls playfully and feigns lighter bites under her jaw, avoiding the cold collar around her throat. He moves inside her and ignores her nails raking down his broad back.

 “I love you,” he repeats. “When others threw you away—I never did.”

 “Liar! _Liar_!”

His thumb sweeps under her eye, wiping tears. “Shh… shh… let’s not think about those things right now. Just relax.” His lips brush hers. “You’re so _tight_ , little one; so nervous. Relax. Just relax.”

That’s impossible. Rey tries to ignore the sensation of his length pumping in and out of her body like a programmed machine, and tries to will herself to relax. It doesn’t happen. She remains tense and terrified, afraid of losing the Force and afraid of the memories still clawing their way to the surface.

Kylo gradually thrusts quicker and his breaths increase to match. Rey pants on his neck.

 “Tell me you love me.” He grabs her jaw in one big hand. “Say it. Tell me you love me.”

 “I… I love y-you.”

He shudders, lips at her ear. “Do you want me to come inside you?”

Rey bites back tears and manages a nod. Kylo nods along with her and comes undone a moment later, thick length twitching before a warm rush. She winces at the peculiar feeling of his spend spilling inside her punctuated by his pleasured groans. He jerks deeper and each stretch is like another insult.

He stills, panting into the pillow beside her head. Shock keeps the sensations and emotions at bay as Kylo’s ejaculate slowly leaks from her body.  

Sighing, he rolls his weight to the side, freeing Rey from it. But he gathers her to his chest before she can struggle away and more of his essence smears on her thighs, sticky and thick.

Kylo wraps around her like a coiled snake. She hears his heart beating in his bare chest but she’s beginning to wonder if it’s just the echo of a droid.

 “All mine,” he murmurs. His grip tightens, strangling her. “All mine.”


	10. Chapter 10

Upon waking, Rey realizes that she wants her mother.

It’s a constant kind of ache she’s grown so accustomed to shouldering that she never gave it much thought. From her first period to her birthdays, she would wish her mother was there, and ache for it—but now she _knows_ her mother, and it hurts even more that she can’t have her.

Because this is when Rey needs her mother the most: when she’s lying in bed after her first time, sore and confused and on the verge of tears. She needs a hug and a kiss and to be told everything will be okay, but she took Arrecina for granted and didn’t take advantage of the time they had.

And now there’s no escape. No warmth. Like on Jakku, Rey is alone in the cold, dark night. Even her suppressed memories are fading away.

She blinks into the darkness of Kylo Ren’s bedroom and stiffens as an arm slithers around her middle. Well—she isn’t _entirely_ alone. He makes sure of that.

 “Shh, shh,” he mumbles, kissing her bare shoulder. His warm body shifts closer and he heaves a deep, satisfied sigh. “Relax, little one. I’m not going to pounce on you so soon.”

His lips brush her skin in a gentle line of kisses down her neck. Rey squeezes her eyes shut and endures the affection he very clearly has deluded himself into believing she wants. The more she remembers, the more she hates him. He thinks he owns her.

Every memory—every glimpse—Kylo or Ben has always been absolutely sure that Rey is his property. Forcing his demented affections on her is just further proof of it. He’s a _very_ sick man.

He tightens his grip, pulling her into a hug against his chest. He buries his face in the crook of her neck.

 “I have some business to attend to today, but I’ll be home for dinner.” Kylo huffs, squeezing tighter, and a Rey can’t breathe. “Or I _should_ be, depending on the way the inhabitants of Exogol choose to behave. Better than yesterday, I’m sure.”

The quiet is broken by a loud, unmistakable click.

Rey flinches when Kylo sits up. The sheets come with him and expose her to a brush of cold air, but she manages to wrap herself when he gets out of bed. She stares as he stalks across the empty room to the door wearing nothing but a pair of low black pants. His broad back is covered in scratches.

The door opens, letting in a thin beam of light. Kylo steps out and someone starts blubbering.

 “Emperor, forgive me—”

 “What do we have here, hm? Fixing something in the wall so early in the morning?”

 “General Hux advised—he told me it needed fixing right away! I didn’t mean to intrude!”

Rey’s eyes widen when she hears loud choking. There’s a slam and rattling as if someone were thrown into the wall, and she pulls the covers over her head to hide. More smashing sounds echo through the wall and open door. Should she help? Should she try to stop Kylo?

Trembling, she stares into the dark warmth and stays right where she is, unwilling to risk bearing the brunt of the Emperor’s wrath. The victim groans an apology, voice mottled by fluid they can’t cough up.

Then she hears a horrible snap.

Silence falls. Rey covers her mouth in horror. Did he just… did he _kill_ that man?

Kylo yawns. Bare feet shuffle across the floor and a comlink beeps to life.

 “Emperor?”

 “Hux—” Kylo yawns again. “Send someone to collect the trash.”

 “Right away, sir. Shall breakfast be sent as well?”

 _No._ Rey is certain she’ll never be able to eat again.

 “Yes, that would be lovely.” Kylo’s voice shifts from pleasant to cold in the blink of an eye. “If they linger, they’ll be going out with the trash, too. The Empress needs her rest—and _privacy_.”

 “Understood, sir.”

The comlink beeps as the call ends. A door slides open and there are some unmistakable sounds of a body being moved before the door hisses shut again.

Rey’s heart pounds. She has to get out of here. One day he’ll turn that fury on her and she won’t survive it, and there’s no telling when that day will be. For now he’s still convinced he loves her, but Kylo’s moods are too mercurial to put any stock in.

She jumps at the sound of the door opening. Oh god. Oh god.

 “Rey? Would you like to take a shower?”

Yes, but she isn’t going to risk getting up. Rey shakes her head under the covers, stiffening at Kylo’s approach. The sheet pulls back and she’s faced with his blank, cool expression, one eyebrow raised.

She stares and shakes her head again. No, she’d rather never move again.

Kylo lifts her in one easy sweep. He hooks an arm under her knees and behind her back and carries Rey from the cold bedroom to a larger area. She shudders and goes slack in his arms, still too shocked and frightened to do anything else.

  _“I’m a bit of a sadist.”_

There are different things scattered on the floor, some smashed from the impact of the man being hurled against the wall. Blood is splattered on eggshell white and runs down in fresh, bright red rivulets to the dark floor. He had the have hit the wall half a dozen times before Kylo ended it.

Rey closes her eyes and takes steadying breaths through her teeth, struggling not to think of it. Thankfully the collar suppresses her connection to the Force and she can’t feel the agony that must be lingering behind.

They enter a large bathroom, where Kylo sets her on the edge of a gray countertop. He closes the door with a passive flick of his wrist and starts the shower the same way, just as offhanded in his dominance over the Force as always. It’s more unsettling than usual now that she can’t feel the eddies he creates each time he manipulates it.

 “My work here should be done by the end of the week,” Kylo says. He opens a cabinet beside Rey’s head and offers her a toothbrush. “We can return to Spintir afterwards and have our wedding.”

She takes the toothbrush silently. Kylo brushes his own teeth and leaves her to do the same.

Her body aches, and the brushing is slow going. Water runs while Rey scrubs every trace of him from her mouth, avoiding his eyes. She especially avoids them when he takes off his pants. Seeing him naked is the _last_ thing she wants.

Kylo comes to stand between her knees. He takes the toothbrush and cups her cheek, and Rey stares over his shoulder, afraid to look down.

 “You’re so quiet, dear,” he murmurs. His thumb brushes under her eye. “Aren’t you happy? We’re finally together—just like we always wanted.”

 “I _hate_ you.” It comes out quick, in a shaking breath. She swallows and says it again. “I _hate_ you.”

He kisses her forehead, then takes the hem of her nightgown and pulls it over her head. Rey jerks away from his touch but the Force holds her still, allowing Kylo to draw his fingertips along her outer thighs. Her skin crawls from the light gesture.

 “It’s a shame we can’t reflect on more memories with that collar around your neck,” he says. His palms cup her knees, gently patting them. “I would love to see just how much you used to hate me—how many nights you stayed up pining and waiting.”

 “You don’t _rape_ women you claim to love,” Rey hisses. Tears bead in her eyes but she refuses to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. “I don’t care how I felt when I was a child. You’ve always been an evil, selfish bastard.”

Her words hang for a moment in the quiet. The shower carries on pounding water, steam billowing across the mirrors, and Kylo traces her kneecap with his thumb. He’s angry. Even without the aid of the Force that much is obvious.

But he simply withdraws, freeing Rey from her bonds, and lifts her from the countertop. He guides her to the shower and she stiffens her lower lip.

The hot water soothes the ache and she quickly sets to washing the remnants of their night together from her inner thighs. Kylo steps in behind her and looms as she squirts soap on her hands and scrubs away the tackiness on her skin. A bit of blood is mixed in. It turns her stomach.

 “I should have fucked you on Varykino.” The door closes, rattling. “Snoke was right to encourage me to begin things when you were still young and impressionable. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.”

 “But I was only four when you took me.”

 “Well you weren’t attached enough,” he snaps. His fingers comb through her wet hair, deftly untangling knots. He reaches for a bottle of shampoo. “I’ve always been too sentimental with you. If I hadn’t been, adapting to our life together would’ve been much simpler than the _ordeal_ you’re making it.”

 “You—you forced yourself on me! You kidnapped me!”

Rey tries to turn but Kylo pushes her back under the water. He sets to washing her hair, and she glares at the floor, blood boiling. Too sentimental. If this is him being sentimental…

 “I’ve done my best not to indulge in my worst instincts with you.” He massages his fingers into her scalp, pausing. “I suppose Snoke was right about sentimentality being my downfall.”

She blisters with rage. He’s been nothing but a beast since they met.

Kylo finishes washing her hair and moves on to the rest of her body. Rey remains still during the process, ignoring his hands passing up her thighs and fingertips lingering on her breasts. The cloth he uses is soft and the soap smells like spices and mint. It should be a pleasant experience.

He shifts to step under the water in front of her, reaching up to brush his long fingers through his black hair. Kylo studies Rey and she pointedly looks elsewhere. His chest is covered in scars.

 “I think I put you on a pedestal, Rey,” he muses. His head tilts back and water runs across his crooked features, mouth set in a grim line. “I’ve spoiled you since childhood and you’ve come to expect special treatment that hasn’t been earned.”

 “What special treatment have you given me, _Emperor_?”

Kylo doesn’t respond. He sighs, eyes closed, shoulders lifting and falling with the breath, then scrubs his own body clean. Rey folds her arms and shivers while she waits for him to finish.

The bathroom is foggy and thick with heat after the water shuts off. Kylo dresses in simple black clothes and Rey waits for him to do the same with her. Now she’s getting a little hungry and breakfast sounds nice. Hopefully he’ll be off to Exogol afterwards.

He doesn’t even dry her off before opening the door. The faint scent of food wafts through the air but the cold is unpleasant enough that Rey hesitates.

 “Can I get dressed?” she asks.

 “No.”

 “…But it’s so cold in here—can’t I—”

Kylo seizes her hair and throws her across the floor. Rey falls hard on her shoulder, yelping, hardly turning over before the Force pins her on her back.

He approaches with an angry, twisted sneer, outstretching a hand. A glass of juice flies to his palm and he takes a small sip as he glares down at Rey, shuddering from the cold and sheer terror. This is it. He’s going to kill her.

 “I think you would benefit from some self-reflection, Rey.” Kylo narrows his eyes and she hears a door slide open a handful of feet away. “You have the privilege to marry the Emperor, after all. Consider the honor that has been bestowed upon you and your people.”

She blinks and he lifts her with a casual wave of his hand, carrying her to the dark bedroom. Rey can’t move a muscle as Kylo stands by to watch her be settled atop the sheets, flat on her back, still very naked and freezing cold.

Her heart races. Kylo opens a bedside table and cuffs her wrists to the twisted metal headboard, expression blank. What is he doing? Is he going to kill her?

He finishes drinking his juice and sets the glass aside. Rey shrinks back as he leans over her, one hand planted on her pillow, the other cupping her cheek. She stares into his dark eyes and nothing stares back.

 “It seems you’re having a difficult time grasping how well you’ve been treated, Rey.” He smiles, searching her face, tracing her temple with a fingertip. “So allow me to give you a _thorough_ education before we marry—so in the end, you can better appreciate how much I love you.”

The bedside drawer opens once more. Kylo fits something between her teeth that leaves Rey unable to move her jaw or speak. She hyperventilates, twisting her wrists in the cuffs, terrified of what’s to come. She wants her mother again.

But there’s no one to save Rey from the Emperor’s wrath. He kisses her forehead before leaving the room without another word—and he _is_ furious.

She shivers miserably, breaking down into tears. The old ache is back.

**Author's Note:**

> The Soul unto itself  
> Is an imperial friend –  
> Or the most agonizing Spy –  
> An Enemy – could send – 
> 
> Secure against its own –  
> No treason it can fear –  
> Itself – its Sovereign – of itself  
> The Soul should stand in Awe – 
> 
> \- Emily Dickinson


End file.
